I'm still shell shocked. I don't want to extract myself from the lives of my friends and family. I want to stay though I know it's a good experience to go.

Strangest twist of fate. I was requested to do a phone interview last evening with a party in Malaysia, and another one this morning with a party in Australia. By noon, I've been offered a job and will probably be flying to Malaysia next week. After that, I'll be outstationed in Hong Kong for 9 months. It's possible to come back and visit maybe once a month but not confirmed. No details yet till tomorrow, but do come visit me ok?

I miss everyone already.

How many people gain 123 new songs over dinner? I just did. :) It's not possible to overwrite the read-only song titles so I've got to leave them as their mysterious track numbers, but at least I've created my first iPod playlist for the songs.

Thank you for the music.

Ok. So maybe I'm not as hardcore a Star Wars fan as some of you. lol. For the rest of us who are wondering what a R5D4 could possibly be, look no further.

A R5D4 fansite.

The commencement address by Steve Jobs to Stanford students, courtesy of leslie.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Kurt lent me the DVD for Wes Anderson's film "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" which I just got round to watching today. I love the whimsical characters and David Bowie cover songs which pepper the movie; the 3 legged dog and other colourful aquatic creatures; and their ship Belafonte which reminded me of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine.

Now I can't get the movie out of my head.

Kid Koala's graphics comic: "Nufonia must Fall".

Here's a tip from my drinking group on how to space out while in a conversation with women:
Ask leading questions like "What's the difference between Mango and Zara?" and sit back to vege while women earnestly answer you.

Lol. Thanks for the honesty!

Had a careless fall today and left a deep graze on my left elbow. It's not painful but 3 band-aids later, fluid is still oozing from the wound. Have to pay attention to what I'm leaning my elbow on, sigh.

Other than that, today's films were an excellent selection.
A mockumentary which involves an ex-Playboy model employed as a sonar operator on a hunt for the Loch Ness monster, and an expedition crew all wearing misspelled ("EXPEDITITION CREW") jumpsuits.
An alternative Japanese world which features a blood fest in a huge trapped elevator (and I didn't scream or cover my eyes either).
A horror parody which includes amongst other gags, a bizarre exchange about Frankenstein ("The scientist is Frankenstein and the monster is actually called Frankenstein's Monster"/ "Oh, like in Dawson's Creek!")

Only thing I need now is sleep.

I'm discovering more and more about my new drinking buddies. Today, it's Shoegazing Boy. Just now I managed to coax him to dance at the Poptart (indie retro) event and we were quite a bizarre pair. He was shuffling and looking at his feet, while I was flinging my arms and legs exuberantly all over the place, all the while with my eyes closed. Inevitably, a friend spotted me and came over to wave his hand before my face to demonstrate to Shoegazing Boy my habit to dance blind. Didn't dance long but it was fun.

And thanks to the friends who actually answered my plea for "Napoleon Dynamite" (coincidentally on the same day too). :) I really appreciate it!

Got to haul myself away to bed cos it's a long day again.
Hang in there folks!

Coffee. COFFEE. COFFEEEEEE.
I need to wake up right about now.
Today is going to be a long day.

Woke woozy this morning with a nagging suspicion I got into my chirpy drinking stage last night. Urgh. HOW embarrassing was I?! I couldn't have been that bad if I actually blogged coherently about pool?

Today Glow and his friend mentioned that they are playing pool nowadays at a pub. Perhaps it was the way my face lit up that they invited me to join them some time too. That really brought home to me the fact that I've not played pool for quite a while. In fact, my favourite pool place has already closed down. It was the only place that issued me a lifetime membership card printed with my initials instead of my full name, and I still carry that card though it's useless now. Like Dave said, it felt like the passing of an era.

This evening, my secondary school girlfriend, Yoyo and I went drinking with my group of new friends (and coincidentally my sec. school girlfriend knew some of them before I did). We ended up at a pub which featured a 5 feet baby pool table that allowed unlimited free play. Inbetween listening to travel stories of my girlfriend (she got proposed to during her trip, now why didn't that happen to me? lol) and drinking beer to unwind, Yoyo and I eyed the pool table hungrily while a couple kept playing on it. Luckily, he managed to get the table in the end and we shot a few rounds. The irreverent company was fun and hilarious, but playing pool really was the icing on the cake.

Today is leslie's birthday. :) Gosh, it's been ages since we've known each other, how time flies! Have a good one! Everything can only go uphill from here!

A long time back you figured out what made me tick.
"All you need is a song," you said. "So you give everyone songs. And then you become their jukebox."

That was one of the most astute observations you ever made about me. And you know what? I'm still a jukebox.

So much for reading up for the interview. I've sidetracked again and came across this article reviewing Do Make Say Think's album "Goodbye Enemy Airship The Landlord Is Dead" Yes it was the mention of Godspeed You! Black Emperor which reeled me in, plus who can resist that whimsical album title?

Must try to get this one.

The Estonian girl wrote to tell me she's headed to Bollywood next few months to make one TV show per day(!) and if she has time, she will drop by Singapore to visit(!). I told her Singapore is a long way from India but she said it's nearer than Estonia at any rate. :) It'll be lovely if I can see her again! She's filling my day with exclamation marks already!

Online now reading up on job interview (first one since my return!) while chatting with Quest (who's not slept at all to rush a work report). Emailed the headhunter back and he replied instantaneously at 5.40am. Amazing. Shouldn't the jetlag wear off by now though? Hope I won't screw up the interview. I definitely need cue cards.

"I know now that my master, Darth Sidious the Emperor Palpatine, means to betray the Sith and subvert the prophecy. He means to replace me with my son as his prodigal servant. So armed he means to rule the stars himself, forever.

This job has a glass ceiling."
- extract from The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

I had lunch with 2 ex-colleagues, and we all have strange relationships with my previous company. One guy resigned and I persuaded him to rejoin the company within 3 months of his departure; another guy just resigned without a job; and then there's me who resigned but was offered a position (which just got axed due to headcount freeze).

Regarding jobs, someone suddenly pointed out that what you cannot protect doesn't belong to you. But I think in general, even something you can protect doesn't mean it belongs to you.

What does it take to live a good life? Why's happiness so elusive?
- an extract from a sms I've received today

Another question I've no answers for. No, today isn't looking too chirpy.

Strange how a morning person like me can slowly evolve into a night owl without a daily work routine. It's after 2am and still, sleep eludes me. Oh, and there isn't any milk. lol. I've finally finished reading Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveller's Wife which I bought way back in late Dec 2003.

Due to a conversation I've had today, I'm also thinking about the Primal Scream gig at Zouk a couple of years back. I went alone cos the friend who was supposed to come along didn't remember the date of the gig. I've attended gigs alone before, but I've always been fortunate to bump into friends at the gigs themselves. The Primal Scream gig was the only exception to the rule.

I remember standing by myself on the steps above and overlooking the stage, being a patient Sphinx. I didn't dance to the music, which was odd wasn't it? I remember waiting for my favourite Primal Scream song to be performed (and it was). All the while, I was riveted by the rotating disco mirror ball overhead.

The music was good but it was my loneliest gig.

All that is solid melts in air
- Karl Marx

My UK travelmate and I will often take the same bus home when we're out together. Whenever possible, we'll always pick window seats on the left side of the bus. Then when I alight a few stops before her, I'll get off, walk along the bus till I locate her seat, and she'll always be expecting me. At that moment, we'll grin and wave like schoolgirls sending each other off.

No matter how old we get, I still like this little parting routine.

A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.
- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

So what does this say about Singlish? lol

A band named Wild Strawberries and their album "Bet You Think I'm Lonely".

A band named after a Bergman film, a whimsical album title and beautiful cover art.
I love this even before I've heard any song on it.

What I don't have but want:
the film "Napoleon Dynamite" (believe it or not, the one voted best MTV movie)

What I have and want:
H.L. Mencken's book "Minority Report" (collected essays on random observations like "We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.")

What I have and don't want:
A complete guide to lockpicking (what about electronic locks anyway?)

What I don't have and don't want:
Too much to list.

Now that I've returned home, it's time to carry on with life but first, I need to learn to sleep.

Other than that, sometimes I still feel like the autistic boy in Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time". In moments of panic, I wish people will flash cue cards indicating their moods and feelings to me.

As a friend once stated, I read everything but people well.

Random thought #252: There is no CMJ or Playboy magazine selling at airport terminals.

When I travel alone, a different me surfaces. I become streetwise in adapting to and negotiating through a new foreign environment, but I also choose my itinerary and detour on impulsive whims. Most importantly, I don't crave security or constancy.

What I want to know is, where is this me then when I'm not travelling?

Still in jetlag mode and following up on blog reads. Do check out the latest blog link on my list to my best friend and M's daughter Athena. Isn't she gorgeous? :)

Jetlagging at 3+ after 3 hours of sleep and checking out music from Estonia.

On my way home. At the customs check before the VAT Refund counter in the airport at Rome, a group of Taiwanese passengers were desperately trying to get their VAT refund before boarding their plane. However, with last minute calls summoning them on the PA system, people gave up one by one to rush for the boarding gate. Well, all except 2 girls. They clung on so tenaciously in the queue that 2 airlines personnel came separately to berate and threaten them for holding up a flight of over 300 people for 15 minutes. Still, they didn't cave in. I don't know what happened in the end but I guess the plane had to wait after all. I can imagine it would be more troublesome to hunt down and offload their luggage from the plane.

I'm back and trying to get back to a normal sleeping pattern. I've watched 4 films on my flight over and 3 films on my flight back (including *surprise surprise* "Ring 2", when I don't normally watch horror flicks at all), so my body clock is pretty screwed up right now.

But hey. I didn't lose my luggage on the trip home.

I'm now staying at a hotel called Fawlty Towers in Rome. Yes I picked it for its name. No I didn't go to Estonia. Where I did go was to Naples, Pompeii, Capri and Rome, in that order.

Naples is beautiful and not as dangerous to me as I had been warned. Someone related a saying that it's worth dying just to see Naples. And Naples is deathdefyingly beautiful. The highlight of my trip there was to visit this obscure castle in the middle of nowhere to see an exhibition of MC Escher's works. Maybe it's an incentive for me to finish reading The Golden Braid finally.

My digital camera died by the time I hit Pompeii but I guess none of the pics would have stood out. All dust and ruins, and stray docile dogs following you around as you walk. Oh, my hotel owner in Naples? He has a little dog called Kika. I wanted to take his pic but there wasn't a chance.

On the ferry over to Capri, I was sitting in a sea of Japanese tourists (either honeymooning couples or old folks), and only they and I could tell I wasn't one of them. Didn't like Capri that much. It is lovely but has way too many designer boutiques and tourists. I think it's a vicious cycle.

Walked till my heels cracked painfully. Must remember to wear running shoes rather than thin flipflops! Was out walking from 8am to nearly 7pm everyday but I find it therapeutic.

The funny thing is that I'm now blogging from the free internet room at the hotel and it's blocking me from viewing my own site due to the link to Confessions of a P**n Star. Woohoo. Blogging blind I am.

I've met a beautiful fun young Estonian filmmaking couple here. They have 3 cats, one of which is called Daffodil in Estonian. I've learnt that the Estonian version of 'cheers' (salutation before drinks) sounds like 'terrible sex'. I've also learnt that Arvo Part, one of those rare composers I know and like, is Estonian. The young couple left today and I miss them already.

I've the strangest wish to go visit them in Estonia right now.

Wow. Thanks for the concern, folks :) Am now at a gaming centre near my 2nd hotel doing internet surfing. I've gotten my luggage back last night but unfortunately, I've turned in my keys to the Italian customs and they've not returned them. As a result, my Italian friends had to break open the locks on my backpack. Lesson learnt: carry spare keys or just use numeric locks. I've bought new locks already though the instructions to set the numeric locks are in Italian. Will find a way.

Watched Jean Vigo black and white films today so they redeemed the day.

Have charged my mobile phone so I'm within sms reach. Will be leaving on Saturday night to reach Naples on Sunday morning. A girl I've met here told me wryly that Naples reminded her of Bombay. I guess I've got to watch out there then but should be fine.

I've not yet reached my end destination (Reggio di Calabria) but this trip has already been quite a ride.

Emirates lost my luggage. Everything except my iPod, books, camera, money and documents are in my luggage. I'm not the only one and I suspect most passengers they herded from Dubai to the connecting flight to Rome lost their luggage too. I've been told my luggage maybe enroute to Nice. I've never lost luggage flying into a country, only on my return flight. Oh, and this is the 3rd airline I've tried and it's always when I travel alone. I'll be more amused if only my phone charger isn't in my luggage too.

Please refer to my blog for updates as it maybe difficult for me to reply individual emails.

No worries :-) I'm fine. And this free internet kiosk they have at the airport has a smiley button just to help you type smileys faster. lol.

I've not left for the airport yet and there's all this blank time to fill in before I go. Attention ye gods, this is the sort of time I want to store in the time bank to retrieve upon old age.

I've still got last minute packing to do, and I remembered to pack my swiss army knife in my check-in luggage this time. It's one of a few I've got, but I don't bring it around for self defense: it only cuts paper and price tags when I travel.

Dave asked me to check my passport's expiry date (isn't it too late though?). He wondered if our passports will outlive us and I replied, probably in every case.

For the trip, I've got:
a magazine (an issue of First magazine I wanted to give to the Italians but then I wonder if that's really such a hot idea),
a book (Richard Nisbett's "Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently and Why". I know, what kind of person brings this along for leisure travel reading, and will this book really help decipher what the angmos are trying to tell me?),
a pocket edition Italian-English dictionary (which didn't get me far the last time I've used it), and
the latest travel guide to Italy (which I've not started reading and is on loan from the library. I hope to bring this back in one piece).

I'm not worried about travelling alone, I've done enough of it. It's just the interim waiting at airports.. walking round in a daze with music blasting from earphones in my ears, and me leaving fingerprints on huge glass windows. That's when I wonder why airport time seems to pass so slow, and why I'm travelling alone again.

It seems like everything is at a standstill till I go. And still I'm not quite ready yet.

Another ritual lazy weekend brunch with my best friend, M and Dave, where we browsed through the Sunday papers and caught up on one another's lives. It's strange how we've mellowed after all these years, and replaced our Sunday morning movie routine with brunch instead. Now both the pics of my best friend and M's dog and baby girl are stored in my mobile phone. Other bits of our lives have altered too. My best friend commented that he couldn't imagine drinking with me, or for that matter, imagine me drinking. lol.

Leaving for the airport tonight. Will blog when I can. :) Take care everyone.

iPod now has 2133 songs, which is 10.7GB of music. :) I can go back to bed now.

I just met a film friend, his girlfriend and a handful of new folks for local music at Balaclava. Though I only knew one person in the group, I settled in pretty well and had a fun time bantering with them (when we weren't drowned out by the drums, that is).

It's cute how they somewhat resemble my current friends. Like how the Weezer fan in his T-shirt reminded me of Starbucks Boy. Or how someone else spoke about watching "Garden State" when just today Kurt mentioned the film to me.

It's just such a good feeling listening to music with people who also enjoy it.

I could have been a sailor, could have been a cook
A real live lover, could have been a book.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be
Here and now
I would be, I should be
But how?
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.

I could have been your pillar, could have been your door
I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.
Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,
A whole long lifetime could have been the end.
I could be yours so true
I would be, I should be through and through
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.

I could have been a whistle, could have been a flute
A real live giver, could have been a boot.
I could have been a signpost, could have been a clock
As simple as a kettle, steady as a rock.
I could be even here
I would be, I should be so near
I could have been
One of these things first
I could have been
One of these things first.
- Nick Drake, One of these things first

Sometimes a wind blows
And you and i
Float
In love
And kiss
Forever
In a darkness
And the mysteries
Of love
Come clear
And dance
In light
In you
In me
And show
That we
Are love

Sometimes a wind blows
And the mysteries of love
Come clear.
- Julee Cruise, Mysteries of Love

This morning I woke up to a surprise gift of these 2 songs I've asked for a month ago in my email inbox. I really didn't expect them after all this time and I have no idea who they're from since the sender used an anonymous email service YouSendIt.com, and didn't leave a name or email address.

Because I don't know who you are, I'll like to thank you here. These songs are going straight into my iPod and following me to Italy.

And since you have the songs, you must have heard them too. I hope you had the same look on your face when you first heard them as I do now, while typing and listening to them.

Thank you.

I should go sleep but I'm still keyed up from the boisterous drinking and supper! And I need to go for a run, pack my luggage and meet the girls again in about 14 hours!

I still don't know where I'm staying in Italy but at least I've just received word on my connecting flight and someone will come pick me up! Yay!

I will try to be less C3PO and more Princess Leia!

I shouldn't blog when I've not had enough sleep! :)

Not a drop of coffee but I still can't sleep. Finished reading Donald Norman's "Emotional Design: Why We Love (or Hate) Everyday Things" instead. Blogging at an alarming rate. Feeling edgy and ready to self-combust. No good. How much music will it take before I feel better?

I'm in the midst of an old album by Medeski, Martin & Wood, a jazz group I first inherited from my best friend. An Amazon review of their 1993 album "It's a Jungle in Here" reads:

"Man. If you think life is a question, this album is the answer.
If you know life isn't a question: this album is it.
just listen."

And no, I never claimed to be normal.

2 lovers. 1 year. 9 songs. A Michael Winterbottom film.

It's been a long while but worth the wait.
Brian Eno's "Another Day on Earth".

A pair of earphones, an iPod, a guy and a girl. They didn't share the earphones because with one earbud, they couldn't listen to much music could they? Instead, only one would listen and the other would lean in close, clutching the iPod and counting heartbeats.

Sometimes you hear through someone else.

Download the Spectacular Fantastic's free internet EP "I Love You".

I still haven't slept and it's past 4am. Inexplicably, my body has gone into jet lag mode before I've even left the country.

Recently, I've been listening to my iPod in random shuffle mode. (I also wonder about how I can listen to FLAC music files on my iPod, and if my iPod registers the length of time I actually spend listening to each song, but I digress.) My finger would tap rapid morse code on the Fast Forward button till I get surprised into a complete stop. Anyway, yesterday's surprise bundle were songs from Seal's fourth album (I've never owned any Seal music) and this classic hip hop number by Warren G and Nate Dogg called "Regulate". Regarding the latter, Pumpkin tried to explain to me the difference between East coast rap (drugs & violence) and West coast rap (sex). Eh, right.

Time to try and sleep again.

Mixed bag of thoughts today.

Didn't read but stared and stared at the map of Italy. Still no travel plans. Uh-oh.

Had my first and probably last visit to a club I've not been to before. During my stay, I nursed 3 glasses of vodka ribena though frankly, it's really the ribena I crave for. If only it's not so embarrassing to ask for ribena on the rocks. Caught sight of some bloggers' friends but not the bloggers themselves. I guess having your photo posted does make a difference, regardless of whose blog it is. Thankfully, I didn't drink enough to embarrass myself by saying hi. Maybe I should have.

And do you ever think that hearing is probably the last sense you're capable of before you die, and wonder what is the last song you want to listen to?

I'm in a delicately frazzled frame of mind.

I've finished my first audio book "Freakonomics" which lasted slightly over 6 hours. I found it hard to multitask or even just commute while listening, so I had to sit down in a 3 hour sitting to finish it. Even then, I probably absorbed only half the book. I'm going to stick to hardcopy.

I'm still unclear about my next job after 2 months of idling.

I don't feel like I'm leaving the country. I have no full itinerary or hotel details. I've not been in Italy for nearly 9 years. I've not read up on places to visit. I think I'm going to be mistaken for a Japanese tourist again (yes, konichiwa to you too).

And I still have invisible friends at my age, one of whom can't rock out to Weezer during work. I hope things are fun where you are.

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.