I'm in a strange listless mood now. The kind of mood to make inter-planetary galatic calls if those are even remotely possible... to just reach out far far away and hold things close. The sort of thing which sounds crazy if you tell it verbally, but seems plausible if you just blog it. So I just blog it.

And so it's the last good day of the year again. It was still dark when I woke, so I operated my Discman like the blind would read Braille, and played Kate Bush. Since there's no difference in the lengths of the earphone wires from the fork, I couldn't figure out which earphone was meant for which ear. But it didn't really matter whether the strings sounded better in my left ear or the drums did. I'm alive and listening to music, and today I will be making 2 trips to Holland V to meet friends. I will carry on reading Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections, which I borrowed together with Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex (Both are thick volumes and I knew I could only finish one, so I chose). I already know my schedule for the whole of next week. I don't plan to have new year resolutions.

Last year today I went to the gym, watched the film Heaven, ate ice-cream, bought a VCD of Depeche Mode music videos, wrote a one-line blog entry, and would be surprised if I knew what would transpire for the rest of the year.

This year today I'm just glad if I make it to the last good day of the next year too.

Finished 2 books within 24 hours, making it 39 books read this year. Went to the library again today to sit and read at the cafe. 2 Japanese ladies were there for tea after their golf game nearby; school children were there reading.. the cafe was surprisingly filled despite it being a weekday afternoon. A little boy took a hardcover book eagerly off the shelf and waved it at a little girl. It was Terry Pratchett's The Fifth Elephant. He looked about 10 years old, and I wondered if he could really understand it. And then I remembered G loves reading Terry Pratchett too, and smiled at the incongruency of comparing these 2 readers.

Walked around the library after finishing my book and borrowed some more. Dropped by the supermarket and bought party favours for tomorrow night's New Year's eve party. To be frank, I didn't know what a party favour was till Dave explained it yesterday. To me, the word 'favour' felt quaint, like an embroidered scarf bestowed upon a knight by his lady. How then, could this word mean whistle, balloon and such?

A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.
- Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I sat down and wept

For Pupi, whom I think will understand.

Dreams mean work.
- Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I sat down and wept

And beans mean Heinz! Yes yes, I sound flippant but I do appreciate this line.

Upcoming films next year on Young Love and from the Nordic Film Festival. Don't miss out.

I'm back and yes that's fast but not fast enough. I realise there is a reason why I don't go to beach resorts (besides not being able to swim). Our trip highlights can be summarised as follows:

The resort folks probably thought Singaporeans were too pampered. They didn't understand why my UK travelmate and I wanted directions on how to walk to the spa and kept insisting on sending someone to come pick us up. When we persisted and walked, we realised it's only 200 metres away.

There was a fruit and vegetable farm, as well as horse riding facilities in the resort. Just no gym. There was a private beach too (25 minutes away by vehicle), but when we got there it immediately started to drizzle. Suffice to say nobody used sunblock or got any tan.

My UK travelmate got food poisoning and I didn't, though we ate the same food. But I got nauseous on the sea.

I watched more TV in 2 days than I've the whole of this year, and Singaporean TV channels too. Saw a Bollywood movie on Arts Central (pure melodrama with lines like "I'm a lover, and a lover only dies once"... what, and the rest of us die every other week?). Also went through a lot of Chinese TV serials while we were playing scrabble. And then, we slept like logs.

Sat by the pool this morning to read while my UK travelmate swam. The wind attempted to wrap my hair round my face, like a frustrated child clumsily wrapping her first present again and again with a wrapper that was too small. That felt nice.

Good to be back. Time to hit the library.

After piercing my ears nearly 2 years ago, I'm now the owner of 24.5 pair of earrings (0.5 because my UK travelmate and I pierced our 3rd earhole together and she has the other half of that pair of earrings). Does anyone really need all these earrings? What was I thinking?

Read about an after-effect of earthquakes where librarians waded hip-deep in an ocean of books which have fallen off their shelves. Somehow I can picture this scene vividly, with all those creased and broken spines of books fallen open on random pages.

Today's so laidback compared to the flurry of activities from Christmas eve till Boxing Day. I woke and finished reading my 36th book this year (disappointingly I didn't read as much as I hoped this year) and will probably watch a DVD later. I'll try to heed my Voice of Reason and not bother so much. Tomorrow I'm gone on a short trip with my UK travelmate, and I won't be reachable by phone or email. Is this bliss or what? lol.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire

Somehow that seemed such a sad and unjust description.

Due to family obligations, I've just attended a wedding dinner where I don't recognise the wedding couple. In fact, neither did my brother who sat beside me throughout the meal. It was nice catching up with him though in our identical accentless English, and relearning his eating habits. I've forgotten his dislike for spinach (soggy veges); his aversion to fish (a fishbone stuck in his throat when he was 10 and caused a minor ruckus); and his preference for chicken breast meat (which I thought caused coughing fits). He showed me his latest gadget (Tungsten 3), and helped to serve food to the womenfolk.

My bro has turned out fine.

Thank you (Falettin me be Mice Elf again).
- Sly Stone

Muahahaha! I'm awake more than an hour, running on a sugar-low and finding this line strangely amusing.

The first thing I did on Christmas, even before washing up and breakfast, was experiment with the digital sounds on 13amp. Music pared down to melodic beeps; little icons and zero text to explain how to navigate the site; thoroughly cool.

When I finally stumbled on its message board, it turned out to be a script tapping out Morse code which i can't decipher. lol. The only text at the end was a little note on 7" singles: A seven-inch single can be perfect in a way an album never can be (even "Surf's Up" has got "Riot in Cell Block Number Nine" on it). Two songs held in dynamic tension across the twin faces of this fascinatingly proportioned artefact... They say everyone has a book in them, but do you have a decent seven-inch in you?

Yes, sexual innuendo noted and what a damn good site.

Just now at my best friend and M's Christmas eve party, we watched DVDs and took Polaroid pics of one another. The cutest was Yoyo's idea to photograph each of us taking turns to hold the Mashimaro cushion over our faces like a mask (and yes, I needed to google for the correct spelling of Mashimaro, pathetic me). Even the dog had her own Mashimaro moment. Later, I dozed off in the comforting company of friends. It was nice to clutch a cushion and drift into sleep while everyone else was watching The Shining DVD. Woke up sporadically during the scary bits. Like the recurrence of the word "redrum" in the film (which is meant to be spelt backwards to reveal the word "murder")... the funny thing is Yoyo kept thinking the word was "breadcrumb" and wondered why that should be so fascinating. Got 2 more be@rbricks tonight (yay!) and ate lots.

Nice prelude to a Christmas. Wish everyone else's was lovely too.

Mum's got her watch and I've gotten stuff for myself too, namely David Holmes' album presenting the Free Association entitled "Come Get it I Got It" (think authentic 70's soul), and Audrey Niffenegger's debut novel "The Time Traveller's Wife" (interesting premise about a man with chronic-displacement disorder - periodically he will be misplaced in time - and his relationship with his wife, who can't follow him where and when he disappears).

And did I mention I'm not working for the rest of this year? lol.

A couple of us worked late at the customer's, and they needed to wait for us to leave before they could lock up. After a few polite attempts to evict us, they threw us out at 10.30pm. Since we were in the midst of a discussion on work, we stood tottering on the curb with our laptop bags and document files to carry on the conversation. Half an hour later, we realised we were still standing at the same spot and decided to move our discussion to a nearby hawker centre. Eventually we were bleary eyed, and it was 11.30pm and time to come home. So we did.

This entry is for leslie, who asked why I was up so late. lol.

You know how when you read a good book and keep stumbling across brilliant lines which all seem so blog-worthy, and are torn between reading on and stopping to blog those lines? Yeah, that's how I am now reading about the protagonist falling in love. To me, the most romantic line he uttered to her was: "So don't complain. I'll take care of your music for you."

Incidentally, there was also another intriguing sentence: "While their dressings are being changed, burn patients would rather listen to white noise than to music." Is this true, and why? Does white noise drown the sensation of pain? Remember those TV dramas where surgeons operate while listening to classical music? What then if a doctor operates on himself under local anaesthesia? What kind of music will this call for?

What am I doing online, not washed up, away from finishing that glorious book?

Yes I know, being stupid. Time to get smarter.

I'm now making my way slowly through Franzen's Strong Motion. It's hard to rush through a book where every line is a gem: from the way Franzen describes a kitchen ("It was like the kitchen of the kind of man who was careful to wash the dinner dishes and wipe the counters before he went into the bedroom and put a bullet in his brain") to the way he compares job ads to personals ("the laconic one-liners seeking watchmen or receptionists and mentioning no benefits or wages; ads like ugly prostitutes who, on the plus side, didn't ask much").

I feel like the protagonist right now, as he sits some time between one and two in the afternoon and waits for an earthquake.

I told a friend I once got into an argument with my secondary school teacher, who thought the Beatles' song "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" has awful lyrics while I thought the song was lovely. He thought holding hands was overrated too, and held my hand for a short while to show that it meant nothing. The only things probably learnt were: a) my hand was cold and small (but not sweaty), and b) my right hand was probably better to hold cos I wear my decoder ring on my left hand, and that's a chunky hard-ass knuckle-duster of a ring.

I walked out on my 181 film this year. Think Japanese soft porn horror, grainy film stock, lots of opportunities for the lead actress to strip, lone men scattered among the audience.. *roll eyes*

This morning I'm going to watch my 181 film this year. I have no doubt this won't be my last before the year closes. This works out to approximately 1 film every alternate day this year. Yes, this is damn scary for me too.

The watch I've given mum a few years ago has gone berserk. The second hand runs nervously along and finishes one round in exactly 6 seconds, 10 times its normal speed. It's moving so fast it makes me giddy just looking at it. I won't be surprised if it has inherited my mum's state of constant anxiety after all these years in her company. Anyway, I'm going to send the watch for repair as well as accompany mum to get a new one, and she said she preferred a watch with a huge face. And I realise that even this - MY love for huge face watches - is not my own.

On the way home from running.
I took pics of 4 different Danger signs, and mused that there could be so many warnings encountered in a 10 minute walk. The signs seemed defensive, like a bully who yells: "Here's my fist, here's my finger".
Realised they've taken away the spring-seat at the playground which could have sustained a kid weighing more than 100 kg, if such a kid existed. The seat had been there for the longest time, so maybe the authorities have finally realised such an obese child doesn't exist in my neighbourhood? I wish I had a photo of it.

I give in. There's a tag board on the left, and my links have been shifted above the ad to make room for it. lol.

Recently there were times I needed to turn on my Discman volume louder and louder so that the music could reach me; times I wondered if there'd be a stage when I'd hit maximum volume and still couldn't concentrate. Times on the walk home when I just wanted to stop and stand absolutely still, because I was just too tired. Times when it didn't matter that I've just had a nice time hanging out with friends, or watched a good film.

I wish I could banish those times.

I think my blog has become a public bulletin board of sorts for my friends. Like those white boards they hang in bubble tea cafes and kids scribble and pin hasty notes.. "7pm Fri night: I was in pink top and jeans. You were wearing yellow tee. Our eyes met. I still think about you. Call me. XXXXXXXX". More and more often, I'll find myself clicking on a comment to my blog entry and thinking: Hmm, this isn't about my entry is it? lol. Maybe I should put in a tag board for my friends instead but somehow I prefer this random spray of comments.

The contortionist has called it quits. She informed the magician's assistant nonchalantly inbetween breaks, cos the magician's assistant is supposed to double up as the contortionist now too. "But I'm not trained to do what you do," said the stunned magician's assistant. The contortionist shrugged semi-apologetically and said nothing. And that was that.

It's been a while since we last communicated. There was a moment when I wanted to just sms and tell you that I've done it. That though we were previously joking, I've really started doing what I said I would. Maybe you'll be happy for me, or maybe you won't care. And then what? I don't know. So I let it go.

All that effort and flurry of discussions between 3 countries so I can spend 85 minutes in the company of a stranger I've never seen before and probably won't see again. Baby, you better be worth it!

And did I mention that I went to the Duran Duran concert last night, cheered lustily, did my pogo-stick jumps, heard my favourite Duran Duran song (Save a Prayer), and we shadow-boxed playfully in slow motion a la Matrix to some of the songs? It's nice to stand at the back of the madding crowd where there's more space.

I've been told 27 metres of 35mm film print is equivalent to 1 minute of screentime. This means a 3 hr film epic will match approximately 4860 metres or 4.86 kilometres of film footage. So if I could unwind all the film spools and lay them end to end flat on a path, I would theoretically be able to run to and fro along the whole film length in just under an hour. lol. And you haven't even heard me expound on the weight of the film reels.

After not being able to blog from work for the longest time, I tried to launch blogger from the office on a tiny break today. And the strangest thing is I got in. Oh yes! Oh no!

Stupid candid moment of the day. In a discussion, a colleague pulled out a calculator to make some calculations. He punched in "140 x 2" and pressed "=". I cocked an eyebrow at him and he went "Whaaaat?". I replied: "Eh, like that also need calculator har?" And we looked at each other and laughed till we cried.

What transpired today. A friend sms'd for advice on whether he should call a girl, though he knew the logical reply was no. So I played the devil's advocate so he would answer the question himself. In response, he wondered why I did that, and sms'd back jokingly: "You are incapable of true emotion."

I didn't tell him that hit a raw nerve. I'm not even sure he isn't right.

If someone tried, you'd realize
It's just a boy or a girl
It's not the end of the world
- Pet Shop Boys, The End of the World

Also the strangest sms I got today, from a friend drowning in old Pet Shop Boys albums.

Everything bad that happened today took place during work (don't ask) and everything good happened after (well, not counting nearly being hit by a swerving taxi while on my way to meet the girls for dinner). Decided on a short trip to a beach spa resort soon with them, though it's the most unlikely of travel destinations for a non-swimmer like me. At least this will mean I'll have gone somewhere further than JB this year, since I was too bogged down by work to travel far. lol.

It's corny, but I slept uninterrupted for 9 hours and woke thinking that I slept just like a Christmas log. Hohoho. And it's back to work again.

I don't take photos of people who fancy themselves. They can't surprise me.
- Rineke Dijkstra

I've been diligently cutting out discount coupons from the newspapers for Borders and Kinokuniya, and today I used them to buy a book on photography and another on women artists in the 20th and 21st century from both bookstores. Along the way I also borrowed Jonathan Franzen's Strong Motion from the library, so I'm quite blissed out. Now I just need to find time to watch Infernal Affairs I & II on DVD/ VCD before I tackle the third instalment in the cinema. And there's still the Duran Duran concert, and the preview for Return of the King. There doesn't seem to be enough time to do everything one loves.

As an aside, today I chanced upon a copy of the latest Manitoba album Up in Flames while sampling music at Borders. The thing is: the album was left in the E rack, though neither the musician nor the album title starts with E. Being me, I wondered if this could be a sign that the album was meant for me to find it, since I came across and bought the previous Manitoba album in a similar manner while sampling music at Borders too.

I decided to defy fate, and left the album where I found it.

Random fact which won't endear me to anyone:
when I wake up everyday, the first things I'll do are switch on my laptop and mobile phone.
In that order, cos the laptop takes longer to boot up.
Even though I should be on 24 hr standby, so my mobile phone is not supposed to be off in the first place. But then I think nah, I won't do anyone any good by answering the phone in an incoherent state. Besides, I've got voice mail and I did try to record a sweet voice message encouraging people to leave voice mail. So if they're technophobic, it's not my problem is it?

No, the real nasty thing is only that I do all these before washing up.

For the first time in my life, I had a chance to watch a film from the projection room. It was thrilling watching the people below watch the film, maybe even more so than it was to have a pure unobstructed view of the film. Oh yah, and I swear the thought to make bunny ears with my fingers in front of the projector never crossed my mind either.

Today a colleague ran through a powerpoint presentation on a laptop in the front seat of a car, while 2 other colleagues were leaning forward to look from the backseat and the remaining colleague was driving everyone to the meeting which needed this presentation. Throw in the occasional squeals when the driver paid more attention to the presentation than to the road, and you'll have an idea of my life this morning.

Sometimes I read the screwball comments in my blog and think: what, these folks are my friends?! And then I burst into fits of laughter. I'm so glad for all you strange strange people. :)

I'm still too lazy for Christmas.
Christmas shopping is a losing battle.
And I've not bought and don't intend to buy Christmas cards. If I do send you one and it looks surprisingly like the one I got you last year, this means I've managed to find the leftover box of Christmas cards. Muahahaha!

Grabbed G to tour our old junior college together this evening. Guess it's the school vacations cos no one was around, and we wandered round more than I ever did on my previous rare visits. Those visits were spent dodging people who could catch us as tresspassers, and too short to see everything.

This time, I took random snapshots with my mobile phone camera: the funny tree root which followed the edge of a cement slab at right angles; the paper mache model of a pair of leaping legs suspended from the ceiling; a climbing ivy sort of structure with strings tied to it from different floors at the quadrangle.

This time, I walked round the back to see the garden shed cage where my whole class squeezed in to take a photo once. I saw new container classrooms which weren't in existence before; they looked just like army bunkers. I noted instructions scribbled on the rock-climbing wall on how to call and respond while rock-climbing, as if people would stop in mid-climb and check out the most appropriate line to utter.

When we walked around the school tracks, I mentioned that I used to look forward to the train that passed very close to the tracks. I didn't really expect to see a train today, though that would have been perfect. But then we stood on top of the empty spectator stands and G said "train" quietly. I looked stumped and G repeated the word, and then I heard it too, the wailing of an approaching train. So we stood and watched as the whole train passed us by. Fantastic!

You know how they'll empty out Harrods so some celebrity can shop there at night in peace? That magical feeling of walking and lingering among beautiful things, and feeling quite content? I felt like that, minus the bill and the entourage.

Random fact #129: all that googling I've done for music, films, toys etc has actually made me the fastest note searcher in the system help database at work. Somehow I'll know the best keywords to search for to get the correct solution within the shortest amount of time.

Maybe my whole team should be trained on the principles of googling.

In the span of two 20-minute universes, I ran round a track in near pitch darkness. In one universe, I wondered why there was no lighting 'cept from the street lamps dotting the main road. But there was a strange sort of calm that came from orbiting blind. In the other universe, I imagined the track was a gigantic turntable and instead of a revolving LP, I was the turntable needle skipping along the grooves. Both universes were graced by wonderful music from my Discman, and they were 2 universes well-lived.

If only the other universes could buck up.

Things I learnt this weekend:

Astigmatism could cause people to see 4 moons in the sky. Somehow that fascinated me, like earth became a different planet and summoned 3 other moons as a special privilege for other folks.

Things fall apart. Especially if it's at a housewarming and you sit on them. But it was a good gathering wasn't it? :) Discovered that I don't know my best friend's CD collection as well as I thought, cos I found lots of gems in there as well as CDs I thought were mine but weren't.

The universe could be broken up into 20 minute universes (well, according to the philosophy book I was skimming through). Meaning that everything that happened prior to the current 20 minute interval only existed in people's memories, and everything that happens after the interval belongs to another universe. Knowing that the universe only lasts 20 minutes makes it easier to accept life cos you just concentrate on life 20 minutes at a time.

So I had a 20 minute universe for this blog entry, and I'm starting on another universe now.

.. a star is a person on the screen who continues to be expressive and interesting even after he or she has stopped doing anything.
- Satyajit Ray, Our Films, Their Films

Read the bit in director Satyajit Ray's book where he mentioned that he had difficulty shooting a scene where a small boy went looking for his sister in a field of tall grass. The boy just had to walk a few steps, look around, and walk on again. Satyajit Ray thought that it would be simpler to film a charging calvalry instead, cos then all you needed was well, a cavalry that charged.

He wrote: "But if you are faced with a scene of a boy looking for his sister in a field of tall grass, you are faced with a particular state of mind that produces a special kind of walk, and a special kind of stopping and turning of the head. You also have to calculate the exact duration of the halt, the exaction duration of each turn of head, the exact moment of the resumption of the walk. Of course, all this is further complicated if you are dealing with someone who has never faced a camera before, and with whom it would be futile to discuss outer manifestations of inner feelings."

If only some other directors would pay more attention to details.

Slept too little and woke cos I've got errands to run. But I did something I've not done for ages; I created a perfect little moment to keep. I laid curled, quiet and still in bed and listened to music on my Discman. And music unclenched the tight knots within and repaired me cell by cell. All I needed to do was breathe and listen, so this was all I did.

I read a music review somewhere which described "an album that dissolves like a daydream and aches like a jilted bride". How eloquent.

In my eyes
Indisposed
In disguise
As no one knows
Hides the face
Lies the snake
The sun
In my disgrace
Boiling heat
Summer stench
'Neath the black
The sky looks dead
Call my name
Through the cream
And I'll hear you
Scream again

Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come

Stuttering
Cold and damp
Steal the warm wind
Tired friend
Times are gone
For honest men
And sometimes
Far too long
For snakes
In my shoes
A walking sleep
And my youth
I pray to keep
Heaven send
Hell away
No one sings
Like you
Anymore

Hang my head
Drown my fear
Till you all just
Disappear
- Soundgarden, Black Hole Sun

I was browsing in my favourite music store today when they played jazz over the speakers. 'Cept it sounded a bit different. I wandered over to the 2 sales assistants who were playing this album, and went: "Is this..?" They both nodded and smiled. So there the 3 of us stood, a little world which found the slow jazz rendition of Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun oddly amusing. I bought that one and only copy of jazz covers (which includes Neil Young's Philadelphia and the Doors' People are Strange) by a jazz singer I've never even heard of, and my world got a bit brighter and lighter.

The magician's assistant and the contortionist aren't really friends. They just happen to be performers in the same show who don't watch each other's performances. They get along well enough, but somehow their relationship never deepened. Maybe it's cos the magician's assistant can't imagine doing what the contortionist is doing every day, twisting her soft pliant limbs into small spaces; and the contortionist can't imagine being the magician's beck-and-call girl. Considering their jobs, it's strangely ironic that the two share a common dislike for enclosed areas, especially elevators.

Today I walked out after less than half an hour of a film screening. In fact, I was mentally blogging another snippet to the magician's assistant during this period before I decided to quit watching. This year alone I've walked out on more films than I've ever done in my life.. is it cos I'm more discerning or just less tolerant?

A film maker rarely writes about films. He is either too busy making one, or too unhappy not to be able to make one, or too exhausted from the last one he made.
- Satyajit Ray, Our Films, Their Films

I just went to the library and borrowed Satyajit Ray's collection of essays entitled Our Films, Their Films though I've not seen any of his films yet. I realise that the bulk of library books focus on Hollywood fare instead, and these refer to movies rather than films. Sad.

Today my jc girlfriend told me that besides the pay, her reason for sticking with her present job is the bus to work. She used to need to walk 15 minutes across 2 car parks, a main road and a field to get to the busstop to go to work. Now, the bus route has changed so she can take the bus from the busstop just beneath her flat.

When one of the reasons for staying with a job is because of a bus, there probably is some major rethinking to be done.

Reason #1 why I should stop baking:
I don't want to be good or competent at what I do. I want to be outstanding.

I woke up this morning to a sms which says "After all these years, I hope it's all worthwhile."

You hope? Don't hope! It is! Cos it's irreversible and dwelling upon it will only mess you up! And even if it wasn't, there's a message in there for you to change now.

Change! Damn it! Change!

Question of the day. When you don't have a CD or a book, but you've read the reviews on how wonderful it is supposed to be, it's relatively low cost to try to acquire it. But when you haven't watched a film and a DVD version is unavailable, how do you tell if the film should be brought in?

CDs and books are for relatively solitary consumption, but films are crowd monsters. Films need to be watched by as many people as possible, to justify their selection out of those available to be brought in.

So for films, the problem is not only what you love, but what you hope others love.

If you can't read the previous post, it's actually my first ever Chinese post. I need to search for Chinese film titles in order to be accurate, cos translations into English titles may vary. The problem is my hanyu pinyin isn't that hot actually.

ÎÒ½ñÌìѧ»áÁËÓûªÎÄ×ÓÌåÊäÈëµçÄÔ,¿ÉÊǺºÓïÆ´Òô²î¼«ÁË