Please. So close and no further.

Tired and chewing my way through packets of chewing gum to keep awake. Office email nearly packed up and died cos I hadn't been housekeeping for quite a while. Waiting to go for lunch and take a break. So all that education amounts to this?

I just got home from dinner and clubbing with colleagues. We went to a club where male dancers danced topless and they played mediocre top 40 hits. Err. I couldn't bring myself to dance and was clutching my cell phone like a life-line and sms-ing my best friend occasionally to keep awake. lol.

Just when I'm slacking on reading, a friend sent me a tempting link to Chuck Palahniuk's latest book Choke. What I've read in Fight Club and Survivor I've enjoyed, but I missed out on his Invisible Monsters. I must steer myself back to reading consistently again.

I just spoke to someone who's obviously very happy and I'm so glad for her. :)

What was THAT?!

U will be fine.
- an sms which I kept from my best friend

A couple of us attended a farewell lunch for a colleague yesterday and the conversation was pretty interesting. It varied from discussing the magician David Copperfield's feats (it seems like he swopped the underwear of 2 ladies from the audience... while they were still wearing them) to why farmers want to be buried on the rice fields where they worked in ("People die anywhere lor"). We'll be having the second round of farewell dinner and drinks tonight. Any excuse for a party. :)

Who told you you could do it like... this?
- a drum & bass track by Roni Size Reprazent

Just got home from playing pool with limabean, one of my old music cohorts. He drove me home and on the way, we rolled down the car windows, blasted the music from American band Old 97's album Satellite Rides and just cruised along. The last time we did this, we were sort of intoxicated (ok, I was high) and singing lustily to Matthew Sweet out the car windows. It's a nice feeling to feel the wind in my hair and be introduced to new wonderful music. The lyrics and tunes were pretty predictable so I could sing a bit of the chorus to the songs. We hardly talked but the music did and it felt so right.

Music made it all worthwhile, took the moment and turned it round.

You can't put your arms around a memory.
- title of a punk classic by Johnny Thunders

Recently Quest and Electrin have both added this blogsite to their referral links so thanks guys! :) I feel kinda embarrassed cos I'm highly unmotivated to straighten up this site with a better design or other niceties. I just bother about writing and only short snatches at that... so, what I want to say is thanks, you made me smile :)

I'm starting to watch another anime series Cowboy Bebop which happened to be Quest's favourite. Previously, I had watched the anime Visions of Escaflowne on my e-pal's recommendations and had enjoyed that too. It's strange how I had an insight into what these guys like, though I hadn't met either of them before.

Here's my CD wishlist this week (squint if you can't bear to read this):
I think I'll buy the latest Depeche Mode album Exciter and pass the bucket to my best friend to buy REM's Reveal. He just bought DJ Smash's album Phonography (which is an interesting jazz experiment by a DJ) while I'm thinking of getting Turin Brakes' Optimist LP.

I did 2 things today that I didn't expect to do. First, I hit town despite the Great Singapore Sale and afterwards, I played tennis with the same 2 girlfriends I met up with yesterday and we chilled out at the NYDC in Holland V again. Deja vu heh? We read the same 3 women's magazines too, plus the June issue of FHM. This weekend really went by too fast.

I was supposed to go jogging with my best friend this morning but we scrapped that since it was raining. Believe it or not, I'm trying to tan my shoulders now cos I look like a distressed zebra after taking part in the Big Walk last Sunday. lol. I even bought swimwear despite not being able to swim. :) I must be nuts. I'm not sure I wanna learn swimming yet but you never know.

I've not been reading seriously either. Yesterday I was chilling out with 2 girlfriends at NYDC in Holland V and between the 3 of us, we were reading 3 women's magazines and 2 freebie ones. The Great Singapore Sale just started so now isn't a good time to hit town at all. Another lazy weekend.

Blogspot is still down. On the other hand, Quest has just launched the revamped Chronoscape so do check that out.

Seems like blogspot is moving to a new server and there will be some delays. Nothing much happened in the meantime except I kind of strained my neck watching the movie Mummy Returns sitting in the front row of the cinema. :) I'm fine though.

Can't seem to access my blogspot website today. I wonder what's wrong.

Once I've read in a women's magazine an article about breakups. An incident that struck me was about a girl who broke up with her DJ boyfriend. She wanted to cheer herself up by buying 10 CDs she liked, but she found herself walking around the CD shop clueless as to what kind of music she liked. She only knew what music her ex liked. Strangely, this story struck me as the ultimate horror story. I simply can't imagine losing my own identity to the extent of not knowing what music I like.

The Kenny look-alike site prompted me to search for the Kevin Bacon game site. It's this old game of 6 Degrees of Separation to link any actor or actress to Kevin. lol.

There was a recent Straits Times article about a site featuring, well, men who look like country singer Kenny Rogers. It's really quite hilarious, especially the tips on how to spot Kenny look-alikes. :) I can't even remember any Kenny Rogers song offhand... all I can recall is the restaurant chain he has now.

Fantasy #52: I can listen to a new song everyday that I love for the rest of my life.

Then I wouldn't be somebody else that you'd grow accustomed to.
- a line from Whiskeytown's song Reason to Lie

A few friends have been telling me about their dreams lately... but no matter how hard I try, I can't remember when I last dreamt or even what that was about. Freaky.

I know we're all emotional basketcases one way or other, and somehow it seems like we're going through trying times with no end in sight. You're not really sure what you're in for and just making do with what you've got now. Most of the time you're only just fixing the small things instead of the big ones. Well, it's ok. Really. Take it easy, hold my hand and breathe a little. I just want you to know everything will work out fine.

I like to ask people to tell me something I don't know. I never cease to be amazed.

Very tiring but fun day. Went for my first Big Walk, had my first attempt at playing table tennis (thanks to a very patient friend who was obliging in teaching the rest of us how to play) and ate the famous X.O. Horfun at Holland Drive for the first time. :) Believe it or not, that's all I'll write for today.

Something else about my best friend.
Once when I said "One of us is unhappy", he replied with "Then let it be me", and meant it too.
I hope I never take his friendship for granted.

Just got back from another jog with my best friend. This time I jogged more than I've ever jogged in slightly over an hour. The weather was cool after a brief drizzle this morning and I didn't falter till the end. My best friend realised that I ran better with music so instead of chatting while jogging, we sang instead. Lots of classic oldies by U2, REM, Depeche Mode, the Cure and Beatles cos the music we listen to nowadays can't be sung. Guess I'm not surprised that we know the same pool of songs, except he knows the guitar solo riffs better while I know more lyrics. We probably traumatised the other joggers though. lol. It's going to be a great day.

Meow :)

I mentioned in an email to a friend that to me, blogging is like a message-in-a-bottle phenomenon. I write in a frenzy and hurl it to sea, destination unknown.

Someone was described to me as relatively nice, like scone with jam and cream. I mentioned this to another friend who commented casually that I'm probably peanut butter with jelly then.

Sometimes I random pick a MP3 song to be played on auto-repeat while working. Today it's Belle & Sebastian's My Wandering Days are Over. The spooky thing is that this song is probably 5 minutes long and I listen to it continuously on my headphones while I'm at my cubicle. I may have listened to this song at least 90 times already. Talk about sublimal powers of suggestion.

I think one favour everyone should do for himself is write. It's fine if you're willing to share it with other folks but it doesn't matter if no one ever reads it but you. Writing clarifies thoughts and defines goals. When you write, even (and especially) what is left unwritten will sharpen into focus. There should be no excuse. You've read enough, go forth and write now. :)

No fish is too strange for her aquarium.
- title of an album whose artiste I've forgotten but should have bought, just for the title alone

Ah sempre spietata, m'astringe a lagrimar!
(translated to mean "How mercilessly you always move me to tears")
- excerpt of an italian song Cessate omai cessate which Yoyo said is about a faithless woman called Dorilla. Errm, riiight.

Captain's logs. Stardate 554.63... sunset at 7.30pm and my heart aches for tomorrow's sunrise.
- a friend, upon being asked to describe his private log entry

Here. Just wanted to thank you for the songs.

Had a sudden craving to buy a kids' mini toy pool table so I dragged a colleague round the shops during lunchtime today for a look-see. Didn't find any though. Wanted one in the office so I can have a pseudo-game with pencils replacing cue sticks. That would have been fun. :)

Received an email this morning from a friend who's currently studying in London (ok ok, it's you Yoyo) and it cracked me up reading it. :) I couldn't even get the first line... what is it, Latin? Philosophical and tongue-in-cheek, this guy should either write a bitchy gossip column or at least his own blog. Come to think of it, I made a number of quirky friends along the way and I'm glad to know you all. Thanks for being there.

Bought a 6 CD boxset of chillout tunes from HMV and just realised it's instrumental covers of the original songs. :( Yew.

My Palm V decided to act the diva and battery-drained again. Lost yet another 4 days of data since my last backup. I'm resigned to being a gadget jinx.

I also have a soft spot for sneaky songs. A sneaky song is deceptively jangly and upbeat, the kind that makes you bop around and sing along cheerfully... before you actually start paying attention to the lyrics and realise that hey, this song is way off from being happy. This heckcare defiant contradiction... this makes me smile.

Self realization #31: I'll make a wonderful receptionist. lol.

It's so hot here I can self-combust.

In the midst of watching another anime called Jubei-chan: Secret of the Eye-Patch. It's a funny little story about a cute Japanese high school girl inheriting the skills of a master swordsman when she dons a heart-shaped eye-patch over her left eye. Villains keep seeking her out for duels while she's reluctant to accept her destiny and inept schoolboys drool around her. Chirpy, corny and much better than Queen Emeraldas in my opinion.

Did a random survey once and the most popular album among my friends seemed to be Moby's Play. Go figure. :)

The last time I went to play pool, I saw a girl bring her parents there to play. Just thought that my dad would have been excellent at pool too as he was at everything. I would have enjoyed a game with him.

There were some concerned queries about my post on abstaining from beef, so I'll like to clarify about it. I just object to pointless gestures at the expense of losing one's own identity, due to the excuse that it will make someone else feel better. I dated the same guy 2 more years after I gave up and declared myself a beef-eater. After I began to stop eating beef upon his initial protest, he didn't really bother about it though it took a conscious effort from me to abstain for so long. :) At least the cows were safe from me during that interval.

Blogger was down for the past 2 days so I hadn't been able to post. In the meantime, I had bought and watched the anime Queen Emeraldas on VCD [storyline sucks]; finished reading Elmore Leonard's book Pagan Babies [not as good as Get Shorty]; bought some more CDs [Hooverphonics' The Magnificent Tree (not as good as their previous album) and an old drum & bass compilation]; watched a movie and played pool again. Wonderful.

Liverpool beat Arsenal 2-1 in the FA Cup Finals while I was at the drum & bass gig. One of the friends who was DJing is an ardent Liverpool fan while I'm a closet Arsenal fan (cos of Nick Hornby's book Fever Pitch). Ok, you won't catch me talking about soccer again. :)

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.
- Emily Dickinson

Just got home from clubbing. 2 friends of mine were spinning drum & bass and a couple of us went down to support them and the guest DJ John B. John B is not your typical DJ actually... he majored in cellular biology and his dissertation was on, errm, bruised potatoes. The music tonight was great and I danced over 3 hours with a short drink break inbetween.

I'm a terror on the dancefloor if I really like the music cos I chew up lots of dance space. I especially need lots of elbow room. lol. Some people dislike drum & bass cos of the high speed or beats per minute (bpm) but I like the frenzy. If you stand close to the speakers, the beats will resonate through you and it feels like a pace-maker has been planted in you to hasten your heartbeat, which is way slower than that of the music. When I listen to drum & bass, I like to break down the different layers and dance to the one with the fastest beat. When this happens, each foot will touch the floor only about a quarter of a second. Strange isn't it? Though the basis of the music is beats, I enjoy those drum & bass tracks with vocals most. The best part is always to be surprised by the music... when you think the music can get no better, and it does. :)

Just watched an Akiro Kurosawa movie Ran on VCD. Suffice to say it's language overload. There were chinese and english subtitles, and dual sounds in japanese and french. Couldn't control the dual sounds while watching it on my computer and I ended up listening to both the japanese and french versions simultaneously, both of which I couldn't understand. And it was a long movie to boot too. To summarize: think of King Lear as Japanese feudal lord and all his daughters have become sons.

Just watched a movie by director Wong Kar Wai. Ever wonder what song you'll pick, if you can have one as the basis for a movie? The Mamas and the Papas' California Dreaming. The Turtles' Happy Together. How did he know what the songs could evoke on screen?

A friend asked me to interlink my fingers and rest them on my lap. Supposedly, the ruling thumb (the one that is on top) will indicate which part of my brain governs my actions (ie. left ruling thumb indicates left-brainer and vice versa). However, since the left brain controls the right side of the body and vice versa, does a left ruling thumb mean I'm a right-brainer instead? Or is it just hogwash anyway? lol.

I just got home from supper with 2 girlfriends. Somehow we ended up talking about strange eating habits conferred on us by men. One friend ate 2 years of plain yong tau foo for protein-building because of a guy. Another friend developed a craving for cakes (which she didn't use to eat) cos she kept picking at the cakes her guy friends were eating. And I thought of you. I abstained from eating beef for 2 years because of your religious belief. Even when you weren't around, I didn't eat beef so you wouldn't feel bad. Isn't it funny? I don't expect you to ever stumble onto this blog but you know, you're absolutely the last person whom I will bend my will for. I won't do it ever again. :) I hope life is going well for you.

I subscribe to the Word-of-the-Day mailing list at WhatIs.com. Today they sent me an explanation about Bayesian logic. Named for an English clergyman and mathematician called Thomas Bayes, this theorem basically means the use of prior events to predict future events.

I quote: "To demonstrate an application of Bayes' Theorem, suppose that we have a covered basket that contains three balls, each of which may be green or red. In a blind test, we reach in and pull out a red ball. We return the ball to the basket and try again, again pulling out a red ball. Once more, we return the ball to the basket and pull a ball out - red again. We form a hypothesis that all the balls are all, in fact, red. Bayes' Theorem can be used to calculate the probability (p) that all the balls are red (an event labeled as "A") given (symbolized as "|") that all the selections have been red (an event labeled as "B")

p(A|B) = p{A + B}/p{B}

I don't know why but reading this made me smile.

I looked up my Palm V and found that excluding magazines and books I didn't finish reading, I've completed reading 59 books in 2000. That comes up to about a book every 6 days. However, I've only read 13 books so far this year and it's already May. I'm probably stuck in at least 10 books now if I bother to check. I need to focus.

I'm addicted to this beautiful song called Winning a Battle, Losing the War by the glorious Norwegian folk duo Kings of Convenience. At their website, you can download an itsy bitsy 22 seconds extract of this song under the Sounds section. Here's their story.

I just got back from the library. Yes of course I borrowed books. Yes I know I've already said there's too much to read. But well, I also said there will be postings about Vietnam and after being back a week, I know there isn't going to be any. You should be able to guess that about me by now. :)

A friend forwarded me an email saying that Lou Reed has died at age 57 from a drug overdose in New York. Later on, he's not sure if this is a hoax and asked me to hang on. I don't have a single Lou Reed or Velvet Underground album as yet, just a book of Lou Reed lyrics which is more poems than songs. Are you there Lou?

[Added note: 9th May 2001]
Lou Reed turned out to have OD'd at age 59, but is still alive. He had to issue a statement to refute his own death news on the internet. :)

Somehow I woke up in the early morning and finished reading A Small Killing. I don't really like the artwork though. There's just too much to read... I must be discriminating.

After finishing with Adrian Tomine's comic book, I got inspired to buy another graphic novel. This one is an old one written by Alan Moore called A Small Killing. I wanted to buy some more books but decided to curb myself till I can finish the heaps I already have at home. The oldest unread book is probably 3 years old. :)

My laptop went into a coma today. Does this sound familiar? Anyway, Sleeping Beauty went hibernating and wouldn't wake up. Not when I switched off and on. Not when I removed and replaced the battery pack. It only came out of the Big Sleep after the battery pack was removed and I connected it to the power supply. Strangely, I was reminded of that old Smiths song "Girlfriend in a Coma". lol.

I asked a friend for 3 words to start me on writing and he said “the coming anarchy”. Hmm. But he did lend me Sleepwalk and other Stories, a comic collection by Adrian Tomine. Inside one story called Hazel Eyes, there's this scene where a girl is driving and saying to herself "I can be whoever I want when I stop this car". She drives slowly so she has more time to think before she hits the destination. I feel like that, a driver in a slow-cruising car.

You know, about those old churches that get revamped into discotheques. I wonder how it feels like to dance inside one, where other people have prayed before. I don’t mean this to be irreverent, but music may be as close as I get to being religious.

Your perception doesn't govern my world.

Strangely the time I spend writing has overtaken that for reading.

Recently I've taken up tennis lessons with 2 friends. My natural instinct is to hold the tennis racquet in my left hand though I'm actually right-handed. However, the coach and everyone else in tennis class are really right-handed. In order to learn, I've morphed from holding the racquet in my left hand to my right one within the first 5 minutes of class. My instincts have been put aside. Just like that.

Just came home from jogging with my best friend. Suffice it to say I'm reeling from the shock of running in the open air as compared to the air-conditioned comfort of the gym, but it was really quite fun. Despite the hot sun. Despite all the weird stretching exercises my best friend advocated from that marathon running guidebook he bought. Despite his strange rule that we should chat continuously while running to help improve our breathing. Actually what I mean to say is, it was really nice of him to keep pace with me though he could have run on ahead. He bothered to push me on when I wanted to stop, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. Thank you. I'm sure I will run better next time and not in the gym either. :)

Just came home from clubbing with my colleagues. This seemed like the first time we clubbed this year, so it's been a very long time. I have a problem clubbing with my colleagues cos we don't listen to the same type of music. Most of them are into the retro music which most clubs here play, but I guess I've had enough of that the first time round. I can't really dance to music I don't love, cos I believe you have to be true to the music which is true to you. Sounds corny but I do mean it. :) It's funny the way I dance with my colleagues cos when it's music they like, I will shuffle along painfully while they bounce happily and vice versa. I also prefer to close my eyes while dancing so I don't see people packing me in and somehow detract from the music.

Just now, I literally stood still in the middle of a packed dance floor when Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance with Somebody (who Loves Me) came on. This is my least favourite song of all time. If you want to torture me, you know how now. lol. Early Rick Astley does the same thing too. Certain music is instinctively very salah to me.

For most people I know, watching people at clubs is the foreground activity while listening to music is the background task. It's the reverse for me... I operate on FAB (Foreground As Background) mode. I can't remember the people who are at the next table but I am very keen on identifying songs that are being played.

What do you want to do with your life and are you doing it now?
- an ex-colleague

Maybe I should sign on to think up questions for the local version of the game show 'Who wants to be a Millionaire?'. Those I've heard so far aren't that challenging and surprisingly, some contestants still didn't get it. Hmm, don't know how to read simple Roman numerals? Don't remember which horoscope sign is represented by a ram? Can't believe that ROM stands for Read Only Memory instead of Registrar of Marriage, and worse, can't believe the audience for offering a tip? Urgh. Is it because of the way our education system works? But I'm a pure product of our local education system and I'm a magpie of junk information. What happened to me?

I just did a weird thing. I went to google and did a search on the word vaya. The results came up to 77 pages, none of which listed my blog. How did I know? I scanned through all the pages of course. lol.

Why am I inflicting chain mail onto you? cos I'm worth it. :) Muahahaha.
- me [upon forwarding yet another chain mail for good luck]

My best friend valk is thinking of marathon running. We're probably joining the Big Walk event. Let's hope we pull through. :)

Liking someone doesn't entail a sequel.
- Quest

Most people I know are living Day By Day (DBD). We always hope to move on after we finish reading this book, finish playing that game or return from some vacation trip. It doesn't really work that way, does it?

I just bought an earlier book by Matt Ridley upon a friend's recommendation. It's called "The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature". The Red Queen is from Lewis Carroll's book "Through the Looking Glass". She is a chess piece who needs to keep running to stay in the same place as the landscape keeps moving with her. In biological terms, this is a concept that all progress is relative. Can't wait to start reading. :)

Aliens have landed in my backyard. I have to say hi.
- Quest

I was telling a friend about my trip to Vietnam last night. I told him it didn't turn out to be the rough-it-out trip I expected but was instead, a professionally customized package tour for 3. And though I enjoyed this trip, I prefer the backpacking mode of travelling. He told me he enjoys travelling alone cos he can adopt another persona among strangers, someone he isn't really back home. I thought this sounded like irc and explained it to him since he's never irc'd before. His reply was that he would really hide his identity on irc and pretend to be someone young and moronic. Just to be provocative, to have fun.

This led me to thinking there are 4 sorts of people. Those who really believe the earth is flat. Those who know the earth is round but can argue convincingly that it's flat, just because. Those who know the earth is round and want to convince the flat-earthers of their folly. And those who are detached. I'm normally the last.