Pierced my third earhole again. I hope this one survives.

My best friend is one year older today. :)

Ockham's razor is the idea that, in trying to understand something, getting unnecessary information out of the way is the fastest way to the truth or to the best explanation.
- WhatIs.com

My problem is sometimes I'm too curious to brand information as unnecessary.

If the secret sorrows of everyone could be read on their forehead, how many who now cause envy would suddenly become the objects of pity.
- Italian proverb

As usual, being unfortunately literal and detailed, I started speculating about what'd be written on my forehead and if they'd be removable; and if not, whether it would be time to grow a longer fringe.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of discussion.
- Plato

I have a problem with flippant remarks, or should I say with people who make them when I'm trying to be serious.

Every day we tried to coach the customer's travelling baker on Singlish, and today he could finally order tea as "Day O Kosong". On my part, I learnt what the phrase "cross the bridge" means. Upon seeing my puzzled look when he told me this for the upteenth time, the travelling baker explained that "cross the bridge" means "to get over it". Gee.

I'm down with flu and sneezed the whole of today, but cos I was outstationed at my customer's and every day is chargeable, I didn't go see a doctor and take medical leave. I used up a box of tissue though, and hope I haven't infected the other folks in the project room. After work, I came home to rest and passed on a movie as well as dinner and drinks with my customers. It feels so odd to be home on a Friday night, but at least the dialup connection seems faster cos everyone else isn't home. Woohoo. Tomorrow I'm going back to my office to clear up work and emails.

Met my travelmates just now to stuff ourselves for dinner. After that, the girls tripped through a supermarket dizzily comparing the merits of different types of baby food (which they claimed was delicious) and tissue wipes (my UK travelmate readily admitted using baby butt wipes as facial wipes instead). Crazy dears. :) I looked at their multi-pierced ears and thought about piercing my third earhole again.

Time to go eat breakfast, read the newspapers and take off for work. Hope today is good for you. Hang on.

Aftermath of the Terry Fox run. I ran 6km on the treadmill last night and didn't even start panting. Freaky. When I was young, I used to get stitches just running the 2.4km circuit. How could I have known that eons later, I would rival hamsters when it came to running?

Last night, I was sampling music at a music store and chatted with one of the store assistants whom I know. He recommended me Tuck & Patti's latest album, and even played snatches of it for me. Then I sheepishly shook my head, and held out a copy of Underworld's latest dance album A Hundred Days Off to show him what I'm buying. He looked a bit crestfallen, the same sort of look I'd have if someone reject my musical recommendations too. I wanted to tell him, "Look, I'm buying dance music cos it won't make me cry". But I didn't.

No internet access or email at my customer's. When I get home at night, there always seems to be blogger access problems. Now I'm resorting to waking up one hour earlier to read blogs and to blog, but I don't think I'm doing this so often. Currently I sit in a project room with my customer's travelling baker, who flies around the region baking cakes for different countries. He didn't say much on it, except that he's got 36 hours worth of MP3s on his laptop. From this, I inferred his love of music, and how he's living out of a suitcase most of the time. I don't envy him.

All havoc on the homefront. My bakers are calling me at the customer's daily, and though I feel helpless for not being there for them, I feel sort of relieved that my current task is just to help bake one cake well.

The fluorescent light in my room blew, so I had to find my way in the dark. Got to rush off to drink morning tea before work. Getting to like being outstationed. :)

The only means to gain one's ends with people are force and cunning. Love also, they say; but that is to wait for sunshine, and life needs every moment.
- Goethe

Came home last night and saw 3tapriff online. Turned out he was still at work (which is like 5 minutes walk from my place), so we arranged to meet up for a bite. It's an unexpected bonus to just walk out and be able to meet a friend. Makes me wonder why I'm not working where he is and cut down all that commuting time.

Blogger ate up a chunk of what I've written last night.

Starting today, I'm going to be stationed alone at a customer's site for a while. No idea what's in store for me but hope everything works out fine. Must trust myself.

8.8km in 57 min for the Terry Fox run. Without music. Didn't stop to walk, even when it got really hilly, or when I knew we were nearing the end. Didn't lose my best friend, who slowed down to keep pace with me and offer pointers on running along the way. Knees and ankles didn't give way. I'm not deadbeat. It's more than enough to be happy. So I am. :)

Happy birthday jedixus. :) Hope everything works out for you.

I started something
I forced you to a zone
And you were clearly
Never meant to go
- Smiths, I Started Something I Couldn't Finish

We often fall into the fallacy of being in control. We are never in control because there will always be a larger universe of controllables. Suppose that if you were to run your own business, there are other things that are beyond your control which may dictate the way you run your business.

Conversely, everybody laments that there is no choice. For often, there are choices we can make. Projecting too much foward to predict the future and hence limiting our choices is wrong because there are many uncontrollables in the future. It is such a perfect paradox that because we are not in control that we are really in control.
- my best friend, in one of our discussions about work

Married men. Today I realise that the folks I chat to on Yahoo! Messenger are predominantly married men.

My Discman skips, a sure sign of overuse and abuse from me. Can't tolerate that lapse of silence when my polite Discman apologises with Sorry on the display screen. Sorry no cure. Music is my lifeline.

You know what it's like
The way people are
They talk and they talk
Though they don't understand
They'll whisper and whisper
And lie on demand
- Depeche Mode, Breathe

Woke up this morning to Dave Gahan singing inside my head. No Discman. No reason why I was thinking of a Depeche Mode song cos it's been a while since I've listened to them. In fact, I was so groggy I wasn't sure whose voice it was at first. Then I realised it's Depeche Mode's Breathe. I've blogged about this song before, about a line that goes "put your head on my chest, and breathe love".

Wonder if this is God's way of telling me I can still hear music. I guess Depeche Mode is not His favourite messenger boy of choice, but thanks for picking them to reach me.

You know how I feel? I feel like that poor helpless duck in About a Boy, just minding its own business in the pond, but got struck to death out of nowhere by a huge flying saucer bread anyway. And I feel sad. By my definitions, I've hit rock bottom cos I'm so distraught I'd listen but can't hear music anymore. Maybe I'm just wallowing, and should pay attention to my best friend, whose reply to me feeling like the saddest girl on earth is, "What an achievement".

I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Me too.

I've crippled AlphaMale with all these contortions. In fact I've broken his thigh joint twice, and now there's no replacement. Bummer, I didn't expect the joint to be so inflexible and him to be so fragile. Well, he's sad and I'm sorry, and life goes on.

AlphaMale is now perched on the top of my laptop screen in a pensive Rodin's thinker pose. Been in and out of meetings, with at least 3 more to go. Some folks are born to run, but I'm more like born to meet. Woohoo.

This evening, jedixus dropped by the same toy store where I bought my AlphaMale yesterday but they're already out of stock. Aww. And I was contemplating buying some more for myself too. Hope the new shipment comes fast. jedixus also sms'd that he's off to buy Martian rock cakes. I replied with a ? and he sms'd back that Martian rock = moon. Eh.

Ran 6km on the treadmill just now. Wonder if I can make a stab at 7km before I hit the charity run on Sunday. Can I really run 8.8km without music? Must try not to wear highscraper heels this week so as not to stress my feet.

Had a phone conference just now. The other party didn't realise that on this side of the phone, my colleague and I were playing at contorting the AlphaMale figurine while sounding serious about planned deliverables. Decided to use my quiet voice as much as possible during work... it sounds more credible no matter what I'm trying to impart.

This morning b12 saw me reading again while we were commuting to work, but this time he called out to me and we had a nice short chat. If the rest of the week goes as muted and easy as this, I'd be glad.

Stood on the edge, tied to a noose,
But you came along and you cut me loose.
- Coldplay, Amsterdam

I'm in love with Coldplay's song Amsterdam, but cannot begin to guess why it's titled that way. I have this weird idea that if it's renamed to Singapore instead, my love will instantly nosedive.

Bought myself a book, high strappy heels, mooncakes and a tiny AlphaMale figurine this weekend. Assembled my AlphaMale in the wee hours this morning and have taken to carrying it around with me in a tiny container that I used to hold earrings. Developed an inexplicable fascination with contorting it. It's going to figure high up on my stress-relieve chart together with playing pool and plucking my eyebrows.

Went to the gym again to suspend life while I run on the treadmill, since nothing can happen till I stop. Signed up for the Terry Fox charity run to run longer than I've ever run before. 8.8 km, I hope I survive.

Work looms again tomorrow.

Icq chatting with friends in the wee hours of the morning. Thank you all.

48 laws of Power (according to Robert Greene):
Law 1: Never outshine the Master.
Law 2: Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies.
Law 3: Conceal your intentions.
Law 4: Always say less than necessary.
Law 5: So much depends on reputation - guard it with your life.
Law 6: Court attention at all cost.
Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.
Law 8: Make other people come to you - use bait if necessary.
Law 9: Win through your actions, never through argument.
Law 10: Infection: Avoid the unhappy and unlucky.
Law 11: Learn to keep people dependent on you.
Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.
Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude.
Law 14: Pose as a friend, work as a spy.
Law 15: Crush your enemy totally.
Law 16: Use absence to create respect and honour.
Law 17: Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability.
Law 18: Do not build fortresses to protect yourself - isolation is dangerous.
Law 19: Know who you're dealing with - do not offend the wrong person.
Law 20: Do not commit to anyone.
Law 21: Play a sucker to catch a sucker - seem dumber than your mark.
Law 22: Use the surrender tactic: transform weakness into power.
Law 23: Concentrate your forces.
Law 24: Play the perfect courtier.
Law 25: Recreate yourself.
Law 26: Keep your hands clean.
Law 27: Play on people's need to believe to create a cultlike following.
Law 28: Enter action with boldness.
Law 29: Plan all the way to the end.
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless.
Law 31: Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal.
Law 32: Play to people's fantasies.
Law 33: Discover each man's thumbscrew.
Law 34: Be royal in your own fashion: act like a king to be treated like one.
Law 35: Master the art of timing.
Law 36: Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge.
Law 37: Create compelling spectacles.
Law 38: Think as you like but behave like others.
Law 39: Stir up waters to catch fish.
Law 40: Despise the free lunch.
Law 41: Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes.
Law 42: Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.
Law 43: Work on the hearts and minds of others.
Law 44: Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect.
Law 45: Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once.
Law 46: Never appear too perfect.
Law 47: Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.
Law 48: Assume formlessness.

Sometimes I can't help thinking work has made me the saddest girl on earth.

Mum is removing egg yolk from the mooncake cos she thinks it's too high cholestrol. Worse, she's also removing it from my share too! I don't need your cheese cake variety with the funny durian filling but I do need my egg yolk! Like a friend says, mooncake without the egg yolk is an anathema. So MUM, THERE ARE PLACES OUT THERE WHERE MOONCAKE IS NOT AVAILABLE OK, SO LET'S NOT BE TOO SCRUPULOUS ABOUT HEALTH IN THIS FESTIVE SEASON! Or somebody pass me mooncake next time I see you. :)

And it's Friday (yes!) the 13th (no!). Let's hope I don't suffer any foot-in-mouth symptom today.

Back in the office waiting for email to roll in. Last count 140+. Slept at least 15 hours yesterday but totally dreamless. Mum couldn't believe I could sleep so much and thought I would end up being awake in the wee hours of the morning. But strangely I slept through it all.

So drugged up I slept from lunch to dinner. Ironically, this is the most ill I've been for a long time.

I'm a lame patient. I'm not the informed sort who'd quiz my doctor on the medication being dispensed, or presume to tell her what I suspect I'm sick with. But I got real squeamish when presented with a ear thermometer, which confounded my doctor cos she assumed that being an adult, I'd understand how safe and accurate the ear thermometer is. Yes, but I really DON'T like it. But my wily doctor got her way, and I'm given medical leave today (which friends thought was the result of over-partying yesterday). I wish! My hands are warm enough to toast bread, and today is Sep 11.

I hate falling sick cos it's something I didn't schedule for and puts my plans out of whack. In no state to go meet anyone 'cept the doctor, so I guess I better do that later when the clinic opens. Can't even imagine the work piling up from yesterday, and now this. :(

Runny nose, feels woozy, and I can't take medical leave tomorrow cos I've got a customer meeting lined up. Sigh.

Phone's been buzzing the whole morning with birthday greetings. Thanks to everyone who remembered! I'm happy-giddy and I probably don't deserve it, but I'm gonna, as a friend says, "whale away" (ie. have a whale of a time) anyway.

Finally birthday, the day before Sep 11. I'm on leave just to laze at home and avoid work. While still plugged into music on my headphones, I decided to wear earrings without looking in the mirror, and did it without a glitch. My little win today. Hurray. :)

I've been drinking 3 nights in a row to celebrate my birthday, making it the most alcoholic birthday ever. And I realise I can finish an entire can of Kilkenny in one swig and still remain utterly sober. How did I learn to drink this way?

Clouds can put on her earrings without the aid of a mirror, but not for her contact lenses. I'm the exact opposite. In fact, a birthday wish is to learn to put on my earrings without looking into the mirror. I think I can do it.

For my birthday, jedixus, anarchy and clouds gave me an album by Norah Jones entitled Come Away with Me which I'm sampling right now as I'm blogging. They didn't ask me if I already own this CD, but went ahead and tried their luck anyway. This is unusual cos since I own so many CDs, most friends just ask me to name my wishlist instead to avoid getting duplicate CDs for me. Well I didn't have this one, so thanks for introducing me to a new musician. She's more folksy than jazz, yet sounds strangely appealing.

Unhappy blogs. Everywhere I see unhappy blogs.

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
- Henry David Thoreau

In this case, work may have a much higher cost than I've bargained for.

Uneasy morning multi-tasking inbetween short meetings and news of 2 deals that failed. It's like the weekend never happened.

15 minute snapshot of my life this morning. I woke up to go to the hotel gym but it only opens at 8am. Then I decided to walk around outside the hotel but it started drizzling, so I ended up sitting on the steps outside an electronics store, plugged into Coldplay on my Discman while watching passerbys scutter past. Next to me on the steps were 2 cocktail glasses, possibly from the basement club located nearby. I wondered briefly what drinks used to be in them, who were drinking from them, and what they were talking about. Watched the reflections on the glass from the programme on the TV on display, and were oddly amused by the superimpositions made. Endured questioning looks from the driver of the van parked just in front of me, who was probably waiting for a preset time to drive off. Didn't do any soulsearching. Wasn't thinking about anything except counting the passing of time from the songs being played, and waiting till it's time to go back to the gym. Stood up the same time the van driver drove off.

Everything in its own time. Why worry too much?

Aftermath of an advance birthday celebration (for me). We had a tame drinking party in a hotel downtown last night, and a handful of my closest friends dropped by. I didn't drink much but I got high, talked way too much, fell asleep, and everyone was trying to wake me to remove my contact lenses first. I remember that those who could make it came, no matter how far away they were, how late or how little time they had to spare. Thank you. And to the madcap travelmates who made this possible, vielen Dank. I really appreciate you all more than I let on. :)

Early morning lying still in bed, doing nothing but breathing softly and listening to the Discman. Every note sounded so right that it seemed nothing could improve this moment, and I felt so grateful for the music. Music that lends me winged heels to sprint away. Music that can be a Medusa and freeze me into stone with her snake-eyes, demanding full attention for herself. Music like a veil of long hair I would wrap round my face and smile smile smile. It felt like a soundtrack for praying.

found outside a starbucks near my place: wanted -- bakers, cake decorators, donut fryers, customer sales associate ... question is why cant bakers fry donuts nor decorate cakes? afterall dont ur bakers decorate the cake too?
- leslie_, with one of those baking questions which don't get answered

While sitting in the backseat of a colleague's car enroute to the customer's site, I still reached forward to steal from his stash of candy. He rolled his eyes and went, "You ah, everytime sit my car also eat sweets. Lucky not 7 year old girl or kena kidnap to sell already." But when I was 7 year old, there was no such thing as sugar-free candy.

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Where do we go, nobody knows
I've got to say I'm on my way down
God gave me style and gave me grace
God put a smile upon my face
- Coldplay, God put a smile upon your face

What's playing on my Discman now.
Hello world, hope you've got a smile on today.

I also didn't know that Neil Sedaka sang a cheesy song called Calendar Girl.

L.P. Hartley once said that the past is a foreign country; in Fellini's hands the past is another planet.
- Stuart Gordon, Director

So Fellini's movies are Inter-Planetary Spacecrafts now? lol.

I didn't know Cassavetes made a movie called The Killing of a Chinese Bookie. Somehow I don't think it's the sort of Chinese bookie I have in mind.

Taking care of myself is tiring.
- Quest. My sentiments exactly.

Too much work today... even my jc girlfriend remarked that my rushed email made her feel breathless. Meetings that ate into lunchtime. Didn't mean to be but am still the last person to leave the office. At least the funniest exchange I had today was with a colleague in the pantry on how we both search for spoons with the longest handle, so the tip of the handle won't be submerged in our mugs.

Busy. Tired. Busy. Tired. Busy. Tired. What my life will appear like if condensed into morse-code.

I read that Cocteau once described Orson Welles as the Dog-Faced Boy... a dog who has broken loose from his chain and gone to sleep on the flower bed. Thought that oddly sweet though I'm not sure it's meant to be.

If a huge hand comes out from the sky and scoops me away, I think I'll actually be relieved. Everything will literally be out of my hands. "Do that proposal? Can't. I'm scooped away by a giant hand. Yes, destination unknown." "Attend that meeting? Nope. I have no idea when I'm coming back, do start without me." Banal, but a break right about now will be good.

My mum still keeps in contact with the mother of one of my primary school classmates. In fact, I've not even met that ex-classmate since primary school but mum knows what she's up to nowadays. The auntie network never ceases to amaze me.

I've been so busy I've forgotten to pay my phone bills and they're nearly due. I'm so anal about paying bills that this has never happened before unless I'm out of the country. Too much is going on and I really wonder if what I do is adding value to anything at all. Like my best friend says, I need "little wins" to reassure myself that everything is fine and under control, that everything is going to make sense. My "little win" today is my best friend's comment that I've come a long way. And I have done it without giving up what I love doing. I need to remember this!

I am not ashamed of who I've become.

Deadbeat again on a Monday morning. Oh boy.

I am the sort of people the Sunday Times article today is targeting.. those who wear their Sunday worst instead of Sunday best. Sometimes I bother to dress up in case I bump into clients walking round town. But then I think again.

On how my guy friends still don't think of me as a woman.
I was home this afternoon when b12 phoned to arrange for a meetup.
- See you in Orchard in an hour.
- You know most women need more time than that to prepare themselves and reach town right?
Pause as b12 digested this little nugget of info.
- Yes. So I'll see you in Orchard in an hour?

And I was early too.

For 2 hours, I wandered round the Kinokuniya bookstore in vain, looking for something to buy cos I've got 20% discount coupons.

Unlike other mothers, my mum is big on action flicks and not weepies. As a result, I try not to watch action flicks with friends but reserve them to watch with mum instead. Yesterday, I accompanied her to watch the movie xxx. She fell asleep in the middle of a noisy action sequence but I didn't wake her. I mused on the ludicrous storyline instead and wondered why Prague has become the Crime Disneyland for the movie world.