Yesterday, glow posed me a question I've been mulling over ever since. He asked how I thought we could be better (people). Then, I replied that I believed we should be curious, cos that means we are actively interested in life. But in retrospect, I think that answer doesn't quite cut it.

I have a generous bout of curiosity, but my life is bubblewrap cushioned safe.
Little pleasures in life are like ice cubes in an ice pack, to numb myself to the fact that I have no sense of purpose in life.
I have not taken down my firewall, and I've not ventured out to test my limits.

I am still not brave.

Sylvain Chauveau does the slowest saddest rendition of Depeche Mode's "Never Let Me Down Again".

Reverse engineering tip courtesy of Brard: How to get music out from your iPod to your computer.

If only the battery of my 2nd generation iPod can last long enough for this to take place.

"It would be dull if everyone was the same, wouldn't it?" she said. "Europeans are brought up thinking that if they take their clothes off they'll all turn into werewolves. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I lied. "Thank you."
- Peter Carey, Wrong About Japan

When I handed over my parcel at the post office, I asked the lady at the counter when it would be delivered.

"It's Chinese New Year soon.. there'll be a delay you know," she replied.

I looked at the parcel and imagined it sitting in a darkened warehouse for a few days, surrounded by assorted mountains of other packages interrupted in their journeys.. a congregation of airmail waiting in transit to take flight.

How lovely.

Sometimes I think teleconferences are like classes in school. There will always be someone who's playing truant; someone who demands to know the whereabouts of the one playing truant; the thankless one tasked to update the one playing truant; and the rest of us who just want class to be over.

I think I've ripped slightly over 60 of my own CDs for my iPod since the start of the year, and I'm nowhere near making a dent in my CD collection. I think it'll suffice to rip 30% of the lot, and the long Chinese New Year break is the best time for this. Haha!

I will be frank.
I am a music snob.
I realise I'm competitive even while scrolling through people's iPods and comparing their music collection to my own.

And things became impossible when I became a film snob as well cos I upped the bars. As I was telling glow, it irk'd me when people couldn't tell the difference between the films "The Piano", "The Pianist" and "The Piano Teacher". I mean, there is NOTHING similar about them.

Sigh.

What is this?
When I was in Hong Kong, I craved to eat Singaporean food.
Now that I'm in Singapore, I crave to eat Hong Kong food.
Urgh.

In case I forget.

Hiroshima no Pika.

How to draw a bunny.

Strangely, the link to howtodrawabunny.com doesn't say anything about the film though.

In the words of Godspeed You! Black Emperor, time to make
"...more awkward pirouettes in the general direction of Hope and Joy"

What is in the name of a star? Your short-circuited thought processes named it the David star, and I couldn't explain why it should be called the star of David instead.

I remember a Sherlock Holmes story I read once, about a man who was walking along one day and nearly had a fatal accident. He suddenly had an awakening and walked away from his life and its daily trappings, and it was his disappearance that led to the summoning of Sherlock Holmes. But what I'm trying to say is this: I understand what motivated this man.

I still miss Hong Kong though it's becoming a fainter and fainter echo. But everyday that I'm wearing my last gift from Hong Kong is a constant reminder that I've walked away before.

A colleague told me he tried to buy a star of David pendant when he was in Israel, but the salesgirl was reluctant to sell because he was obviously not of the faith. He had to cajole her, and even after succeeding, he couldn't bring himself to wear it.

"Look," he fished out the lone silver chain round his neck to show me he couldn't even wear the pendant under his shirt. "Did you know anyone else who ever wears a star of David?"

We're not at all sure, now, that "dreams do come true" - at least those dreams we all grew up with - "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl" and "they live happily ever after". And yet we must keep on hoping that our particular dream will come true. We all want to be "happy" but we don't know just how to go about reaching this elusive state.

As a result, most of our composers and performers are made up of virtuosos, specialists and rebels. The virtuoso dazzles us with his technical fireworks and the complexity of his improvisations. And, not seldom, he becomes the specialist.

The specialist quickly finds a set of cliches and settles down to turning them out ad nauseum.

The rebel simply does what the word implies - he rebels. And he usually ends up by talking to himself.
- Gerald Heard on the sleevenotes of my "Chet Baker sings" CD, which I chanced upon while ripping the CD for my iPod

Heavily drugged with flu medication, I did the impossible.

I forgot to check in.

And I wandered past passport control and security till I reached the flight gate, and the attendant there was flabbergasted that I made it all the way without a boarding pass.

"Is this your first flight overseas?" he demanded to know.

Well, I would have thought my passport clearly answered that question. Anyway, they issued a boarding pass without sending me back past immigration and security (yes, it could have been embarrassing to explain how I got past everyone).

Like Dave said later, I could have made a good terrorist.

Oh yes. *wave to Terence* Thanks for telling me you've found my blog even before I gave you the URL. :) That was nice.

Two weeks after I've been back, I finally collapsed. Was caught in the rain last night and became a wreck this morning. Matters worsened cos I was meant to catch the last flight out to KL tonight for work, and somehow the courier has sent my plane tickets to the wrong office and I was told I couldn't board without it as it wasn't an e-ticket.

So.. rational systematic me saw the doctor. Called the travel agent. Came home and slept for 6 hrs fitfully, during which the tickets arrived finally. During all this, there was also a strange sms exchange on why I'm still single:

"You'll find someone who would take care of you."

And you're missing the point. I don't need someone to take care of me. I need a soulmate.

But till that happens, I'll haul myself alone to the airport and leave on that jet plane.

Today I read an article where a jeweler described his job of cutting diamonds as imagining the best journey of light through each diamond and following it. I wondered how it would be to have a job like that, to view tiny stones through magnifying glasses and dream about light paths.

There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it.
- Dale Carnegie

And did I say again how sorry I am about your phone? :(

Today. My bro dropped by with a gift of a leather iPod case for me. I went for a run outdoors for the first time since I've returned, cos finally there's sun. I realise "Pride and Prejudice" hasn't finished its screen run here, and Quest offered to watch it with me. I've imported more music, especially CDs thoughtfully passed to me. So thank you all.

Everything is better today.

Though I enjoy meeting people, I've no idea how interconnected these random groups of people really are. This fact is strengthened by the most bizarre news today from b12. He told me that his friend was having breakfast recently with his colleagues when my name popped up in a conversation between these two colleagues. b12's friend then choked and looked up to say that he knew me too. The strange thing is I've only met these 3 guys less than 5 times in total, and none within the past year. lol.

Sometimes, someone plucks your thought from your head and says it to your face, except they don't know it's yours. And they do it again and again without knowing what they do, and that earns them a soft spot in your heart.

Do you understand?

Ironically, the first book I finished this year was an audio book. I need to get back to reading again dammit.

To me, songs with strange titles are like shiny marbles glinting elusively in the sandpit, beckoning to be unearthed and added to the hoard.

Today's marble is the Timeout Drawer's "Bursting with Tears, I Commit to Destroying You.".

It's hard to see me as a classical music enthusiast, but the first CD I've ripped for my new iPod is Glenn Gould's 1955 piano recital of the Goldberg variations. And then I ripped his 1981 version. lol.

Take away my MSN Messenger and there'll be a huge dip in my work progress. When toggling between project team members sitting in 5 countries, there's simply no more efficient way where communication is faster than email yet less confrontational (and cheaper) than a phone call. Sometimes I even forget I'm sitting all by myself in a country that bears no relation to my work except for my nationality.

My jc girlfriend's brother told her that she would know if she was in the right job if it matched her Talent, Passion and Values. I think that pretty much summed it up really.

Oh, and my best friend has a new blog at his own site too. lol. I've replaced his old .plan link with this.

I'm now listening to Pet Shop Boys' electronic score for Eisenstein's groundbreaking silent film "Battleship Potemkin". I've watched this film a long time ago, and most people could probably recall the famous scene with a pram falling down the Odessa staircase has been copied in "The Untouchables".

Will be interesting to watch that film again while listening to this score.

Today saved my sanity. Though none of us drove, my friends made an effort to come out in the heavy rain to catch up with me. I went for our ritual brunch at Holland V, and met my jc girlfriend afterwards to shop.

I miss brunch at the usual haunt, where we would flip idly through newspapers while we talked. I miss the open-air cafes we have here, even though it's too wet to sit outdoors now.

I miss the fun of shopping with girls. I miss how we pick out clothes which often seem wrong to each another, and will screech "drop that!" without heeding the sales people. Each of us will have a weak spot and mine will be clothes with weird designs. I bought a deconstructed buttoned shawl which can be transformed into a halterneck top today, and even the act of wearing it was fun cos it took me ages to figure out what to button.

The most important lesson today is all this made me realise why I came back.

Once I told someone that I am the sort of person who, if I know the exact ending of my life, can carry on living my life calmly without trying to avoid what I know will cause the end.

I have the same opinion on love. I'm convinced I'm incapable of falling in love anymore, and this opens up the possibility to love so much else.

Or maybe I desperately need sleep now.

Today is my third morning back. I've already seen 2 films since I've returned: "Wallace & Gromit" (which was dubbed in Cantonese in Hong Kong) and Agnes Varda's "Gleaners & I" (where gleaning is picking up discarded foodstuffs and things and putting them to good use instead).

I've also just populated and switched over to my latest iPod video (1836 songs now) but haven't uploaded my pics from Hong Kong yet. In fact, I've got a backlog of errands to run and I've not been sleeping enough. And I need to start reading books again, as well as get back to running. The problem is it's too rainy to run outdoors now and I've put my gym membership on hold till I'm back for good (am I?).

When I woke this morning, I felt like I should never have left Hong Kong. I know I could have gotten a job and stayed there if I really tried. So why didn't I?

Strangest workplace conversation today.
"Your laptop is from Malaysia, your network is in Hong Kong, your boss is in Australia, your projects are in Thailand and Philippines, so what are you doing here?"
"Well.. I'm Singaporean."

The magician's assistant could tell the magician would miss her, because she often ignored the fact that she was only an assistant and have whimsical conversations with him. Before they parted ways, the magician asked his assistant where she would be going next.

"I don't know.. I guess I'll follow the stars," she laughed.
"Well then," he replied. "I'll send a star to follow you."

And he did.

Before I left, I gave away most of my household goods to a neighbour (who dropped by another time to see what else he could take). My neighbours (the siblings who seemed permanently in the laundry room) didn't want any of my household goods though but instead, thoughtfully gave me farewell titbits to eat on my trip home.

Reached Singapore with my 30kg of luggage, which incidentally is 10kg overweight but the airline let me through without a hassle thankfully. Next time I'll remember not to bring 5 pairs of shoes with me overseas, and make do with only one coat for winter.

Will be visiting my own office this morning but I hardly recognise anyone there. At least I'll pick up my business namecards which have eluded me all this while I was in Hong Kong.

So much packing and sorting to do but I'll take it easy for the time being.
At least I'm home now for a little longer.

"Problem is you can always find someone who might stir up your interest. And that in itself is scary in some way."
- Chuan, on me

A neighbour on my floor set his alarm clock and forgot all about it as he left to spend Christmas and New Year at home. Hence every morning if I step out into the corridors, I can hear this insistent alarm clock ringing. I didn't wander from door to door to listen carefully and confirm the exact apartment the alarm is coming from. There was no thought to summon the security guards to enter that apartment and deactivate the alarm clock.

Strange as it may seem, that alarm amuses me.

Last good day of the year:

I had a drinking session in Causeway Bay with friends I've made here, and afterwards I invited 8 of them back to my apartment to carry on. A few had to sit on the floor, and we were so noisy I half expected some neighbour to come over and wring our necks. When my drinking gang in Singapore gave me a surprise phone call that night, it felt surreal, like I was drinking at 2 places all at once. Oh yes, I did call Hong Kong a country didn't I? But "breaking up with a SAR" doesn't quite have the same ring to it, lol.

In the morning, I searched out an old restaurant called Tai Ping Koon and tried its famous chicken wings in Swiss sauce. The story goes that a caucasian tried this dish and said "sweet!" but the restaurant staff misheard it as "swiss" and named the dish accordingly. Odd, this reminds me of songs with misheard lyrics.

I also watched "Merry Christmas", a lovely film I didn't manage to watch before Christmas. It's based on a real-life incident during World War I in 1914, where the Scottish, French and German troops ceased fire over Christmas and fraternised. I especially love the scene where the German officer went over to the French and Scottish trenches, and explained politely that they should walk over and take shelter in the German trenches (as the Germans would be shelling them in the next 10 minutes). Then afterwards because the Allied forces would be retaliating, it was the German troop's turn to walk over to the Allied trenches to take shelter. lol.

There was a countdown to the New Year at Times Square here with a falling apple, just like in New York. So I thought I would walk over to Times Square about 11-ish pm after watching a rerun of "The Sound of Music" on tv. However, what used to take 10 minutes became an impossible walk as the crowd was too huge. A few false alarm countdowns took place because people couldn't see the countdown stage at Times Square, so I'm not really sure how I crossed over to the new year, but it's all good.

First good day of the year:
I woke up and ran, and came back to the office thereafter to clear some emails. Will be walking back to my apartment building later for farewell lunch with neighbours and a security guard. No new year resolutions but it seems like a good start.