We are not doctors. We will be pilots. lol.

I didn't run this morning but am now downloading my 3rd album of the day by noon. Listening to the latest Four Tet.

I'm halfway through my 17th book this month, and just learnt that one of the Cisco Systems co-founders is also the founder for cosmetic brand Urban Decay. Amazing.

My mum favours green apples while I favour red. I just took the only red apple left out of a sea of green ones in the fridge, and thought whimsically if Snow White could have eaten a green apple instead of a red one. That thought was promptly dismissed.

It's a slow Monday isn't it?

Finished reading my 15th book this month, and found out I've already read the 14th book a couple of years ago but re-read it anyway. I also realise it tires me to read Michael Moore cos he rants too much.
The new batch from the library are:
Jim Aitchison's "Cutting Edge Commercials"
Terry Pratchett's "Monstrous Regiment"
Chuck Palahniuk's "Lullaby"
Mary Lisa Gavenas' "Color Stories: behind the scenes of America's billion-dollar beauty industry".

I remember holding hands with you and how you used to scribble words with your thumb on my inner palm. We would lock eyes while you wrote secret messages this way; it was your method to tell me and not tell me at the same time. If I could decipher your thumb swirls, perhaps we wouldn't be where we are now.

Drank 3 days in a row at Prince of Wales, Lot Stock & Barrel, and Dempsey Hut, and it's a different beer each time. Enough.

Gandhi once said: "My life is my message."
And what is my message now?

You know what, there IS a piece of advice I would give myself if I could travel back in time.

GO WATCH THE DEPECHE MODE CONCERT. OTHERWISE, YOU'LL REMEMBER IT YEARS AND YEARS AFTER AS THE CONCERT WHICH GOT AWAY.

Last night, Pumpkin watched a film which reminded him of me. When asked about it, he sms'd back: "It's about this kid who plays in a band. Lots of live house, fender gibson guitars, and e spirit of rock. Music and how genuine it is."

I still don't know what film this is and he still hasn't told me.

Loneliness is my curse - our species' curse - it's the gun that shoots the bullets that makes us dance on a saloon floor and humiliate ourselves in front of strangers.
- Douglas Coupland, Eleanor Rigby

I'm glad only authors I like name their books after Beatles' songs.

When it comes to fashion, I can talk the talk but I don't walk it. It's simple. Take the Hermes Birkin bag. There's a long waiting list for it cos this is the bag named after the actress Jane Birkin.. the bag which supposedly captures her spirit. Right. How many people on that waiting list knows if Jane Birkin was an actress and can name any of her films? I'm not even asking if they've watched any, or even know that she has sung too.

Yes, I do think the Birkin bag is cute but no, I don't own it. Instead I've got songs Ms Birkin's sung on. I can't believe a bag can embody someone's essence more than her voice, can you?

Bless the people who have been giving me music, you know who you are. :) A CD last week, a double CD album yesterday, 3 CDs today and assorted mp3s along the way. I'm really lucky.

Today I spotted an album at Borders by the Silent League called "The Orchestra, sadly, has refused". What a beautiful title! It wasn't available for sampling there but I found their website anyway.

And today's book haul is:
Douglas Coupland's "Eleanor Rigby"
Patrick Lencioni's "Death by Meeting"
Helen McCarthy's "The Anime Movie Guide" (which I've been told has iffy ratings)

The Crazy CD sale at the film fest venue is absorbing all my attention. I know I'm jobless so it's not necessary to remind me to save; it's just that if you know me well, you'll understand that I don't function without music, if at all. I've been controlling myself though, so I've only gotten 5 CDs and a single there (which at $9.90 per CD and $1 per single is a steal, and classical CDs sell even cheaper at 3 for $10). I ended up buying 3 Glenn Gould classical piano CDs. Absolutely criminal.

For the classical music folks who are curious to know, it's Glenn Gould playing 1) Beethoven/ Liszt, 2) Mozart/ Hadyn, and 3) Bach. I'm too lazy to type out the details, but if you really want to know, I bought the CDs to hear him play and hum.

Recurrent fact #85: Having attended 5 international film fest screenings so far, I still haven't sat in any seat pre-allocated to me.

Coincidentally, I saw the young actor (from "A Hole in My Heart") again at the screening of the animation film "Wonderful Days". He was seated and turned his head around while I was walking down the steps searching for a seat. So I impulsively leaned forward and told him he was wonderful in the movie. He was surprised but smiled and said thanks, and I smiled back and walked off.

Yes, I realised later that I forgot to tell him he has beautiful hands.

On my way home last night, I passed by a young couple in an emotional war zone. She was squatting by the path, her arms flung over her head like a Prisoner of War in denial. He wasn't much of a victorious captor though. He just sat by her side looking blank and helpless, probably silently retracing the events that brought them to this state.

Already there seemed no room for any peaceful negotiation.

Today I've watched 4 film sessions and my favourite so far is Lukas Moodysson's "A Hole in My Heart", about a man Rickard shooting a porn film in his apartment with his friend Geko (who falls comatose even during sex as he dreams of running in a field of gold) and Tess (who claims she has wanted to be in a porn film since she was 12). Rickard's son Eric seems to be the only sane person as he tries to shut out the proceedings by losing himself in his own isolated world. The actor who starred as Eric came in person to present the film, but unfortunately he is only 19 and unable to watch the film he starred in cos it's rated R21. How ironic.

The film didn't focus on the fact that this actor was born with some of his right fingers fused together, but you could see his flipper-like hand in quick glimpses. After the show, there was a chance for the audience to talk to the actor but I didn't want to intrude. Instead I stood from a distance observing this shy young man hide his right hand in his jean pocket as he chatted politely.

I sincerely wished I had told him he did well.
And that I thought he has beautiful hands.

Snapshot of today.

Book haul:
Michael Moore's "Downsize this"
Michael Moore's "Stupid White Men"

3 hours downloading music. Strangest tune is probably a surreal cover of Aha's "The Sun Always Shines on TV" by Choci Loni.

Nice chat over bread and coffee, and I ate a cutesy bun named New Yorker.

Everything is good.

Tonight, a man on a unicycle passed me by along the footpath home. I guess I have more fascinating neighbours than I knew.

Today's haul from the library includes:
Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics"
Scott McCloud's "Reinventing Comics"
Joe Kubert's "Fax from Sarajevo"

A friend has been keeping track of the number of days I've been jobless. Everytime he sees me online, he can tell me the exact number. Though it's voluntary and relatively short so far, being jobless is really quite a humbling experience.

And for every cloud, there is a rainbow. Take care girl.

Beautifully shot pics.

So there was this woman and she was on an airplane, and she was flying to meet her fiancé seaming high above the largest ocean on planet earth. She was seated next to this man she had tried to start conversations, but the only thing she had really heard him say was to order his Bloody Mary. She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn’t even pronounce the name of. And she was feeling very bored and despondent. And then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they started just falling thirty-thousand feet, and the pilots on the microphone and he’s saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh my god” and apologizing. And she looks at the man and says “Where are we going?” and he looks at her and he says “We’re going to a party. It’s a birthday party. It’s your birthday party. Happy birthday darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.” And then he starts humming this little tune, it kind of goes like this: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn’t dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

It’ll go like this:

While my mother waters plants
My father loads his guns
He says death will give us back to god
Just like this setting sun is returned to this lonesome ocean

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be one
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we’ll get down there to the very bottom of everything
And we’ll see it, we’ll see it, we’ll see it

Oh my mornings coming back
The whole world’s waking up
In the city buses are swimming past
I’m happy just because
I found out I’m really no one
- Bright Eyes, At the Bottom of Everything

If we were to meet again and should I somehow ramble to break the awkward silence, this is what I would have told you:

Today I went to sample music at HMV, but my big hoop earrings got in the way of the headphones. So I removed the earrings to listen to Bright Eyes speak on the first track of his latest album. He told a story about a quiet stranger who sat beside a girl on a plane ride, and the plane developed a technical glitch and the pilot apologised that they were going to crash. So the girl turned to ask the stranger where they were headed for, and the stranger said they were going to a birthday party. Her birthday party. And I leaned my head against the wall as I listened intently, my pocket full of earrings you've never seen before.

Hello. You would have liked this song.

Or maybe I would have said more. Maybe I would reveal that I'm now reading a graphics novel called "Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth", and Jimmy wasn't really the smartest kid on earth though the book could darn well be the saddest.

Or that the neighbourhood library is now operating daily from 10am to 9pm, minus public holidays of course. And if we were still together, I would have laughed and jokingly told you to offer our firstborn to the library in gratitude.

Or maybe I would have held out my wrist for you to see how I had succumbed and got myself just today, an orange rubber wristband though I was so against them. I would tell you it's for charity, but yes I was secretly gleeful to wear it anyway.

And if you would smile indulgently and say nothing, we could stand still forever.

Today's Fact #1:
I'm reading tirelessly nowadays. Just finished another 2 books today and borrowed 3 more:
Geoffrey A. Moore's "Inside the Tornado"
Patricia B. Seybold's "Customers.com"
Bernie Marcus & Arthur Blank with Bob Andelman's "Built from Scratch" (the story on Home Depot)

I guess I'm reading as much as I can before I think, and think hard at that.

Today's Fact #2:
Went out with my best friend and M, and M brought me along to test out Herman Miller's Aeron chair. After having read about it (in The Tipping Point if I'm not wrong), it's great to sit in the chair finally. It's much like riding a Segway after having read about it.. you need to reinforce the experience.

Today's Fact #3:
Just by watching 10 minutes of a Taiwanese TV serial during lunch today, I managed to find out that:
- the story revolved round 3 sisters and a hotel business
- the eldest sister is a single parent who is chased by an earnest young man
- the youngest sister is an air hostess who likes the earnest young man
- the middle sister has been out of touch cos she was sabotaged after having conceived her boyfriend's child, and had to go abroad for facial surgery; thereafter she returned to plot revenge on her boyfriend who has now moved on to chase his boss' daughter

Or something like that. My mind fairly went into overdrive and I knew I wouldn't cut it as a TV addict.

Download music by Judith & Holofernes cos it's music you didn't know you need.

Today, I've finished reading my 21st book this year. Still reading Chris Crawford's "Game Design" but I've also borrowed more books from the library:

Mike Daisey's "21 Dog Years: doing time @Amazon.com"
Chip Conley's "The Rebel Rules" (about a 26-yr-old who started his business investing in a notorious pay-hourly seedy motel)
Jim Aitchison's "Cutting Edge Advertising"
Gary Wolf's "Wired" (well, about "Wired" of course)

I'm also sneezing badly cos of the constant rainy weather, and there's no MC in sight. Dang.

I need to slow down and just relax. Even without a job I'm wearing myself out.

I've got an avi file and a srt (subtitle) file and trying to sync them so I can watch a movie with subtitles intact on my laptop. Wish me luck.

Dream job #304: I want to think up song titles for the most beautiful songs ever written. Something like Below the Sea's "We Lied There for So Long & We Waved Goodbye and Stared".

Today is my 3rd jobless day and I'm still so conscious about it. It'll be interesting to keep a jobless journal, but now it's time to go out and meet the world.

Right-click to download: Antony & the Johnsons' "Hope there's Someone". He does sound somewhat like a male Nina Simone and it's eerily beautiful.