Didn't plan to go to WOMAD but ended up there with my UK travel mate. I dragged her there last year too and that was boring, but this year has improved. Music's better; weather's not so hot; we met clouds with her henna tattooes and got ourselves arm tattooes too; a Heineken promotion girl took pics of us with our henna tattooes but the pics were too dark to be seen; drank beer and ate wings; danced a while. Happy.

Polish singer Soyka has a song entitled Jesienny Lisc which lasts only 52 seconds, or to be precise, 45 seconds trailed by 7 seconds of silence. On it, a guy and a girl croons real softly to a slow heartbreakingly sad piano tune. Can't understand a word of the song or why it is so short, but it oddly feels appropriate. Maybe it's as much time as it needs to tell that story.

My bro and sis-in-law came home for dinner last night. They brought mooncakes for me and mum, and though bro had to work late, he was still cheerful when he came. In contrast, I was quiet and not inclined to talk cos of my bad day in the office. I passed bro the copy of Millionaire's Mind which I bought him, and he beamed boyishly in gratitude. I wish I were more like him, the contented sort who would smile as he walked behind his wife and whisper, "isn't it cute how she would stop mid-step to look at something?". I wish I had his sweet nature.

U are a successful best friend. No one can take that from u.
- sms from my best friend when I felt like a failure

Thank you. It really helps.

No, I did NOT introduce you two over "juvenile porn trying to pass off as art film". Gunther Grass' Tin Drum is more like weird shit. :)

All the queries were more than answered and I was chummy with the client. The only reason I couldn't sell them cake was though cake is delicious, they would rather get plainer doughnuts cos cakes are too rich for them. I guess I can't get my mind around the fact that I can't persuade them to change their tastes though they liked me and what I did. Why wasn't it enough?

b12 mentioned that he's seen me commuting to work in the mornings but I was too preoccupied to notice him. I'd settle down and start reading till I've reached my stop. I didn't ask him how I looked when I wasn't aware I was observed. I didn't want to know.

Baking analogy at work today. After a tedious selling cycle, a potential customer regretfully turned down my cake offer (too expensive) but jokingly asked if we could still be friends. Maybe I have to lose a cake in order to gain a friend?

Another more ludicrous case. A potential customer said he'll only pay up AFTER eating the cake. I really can't think of anything to say in return.

Work. Have to take it in stride.

I'm tired and I'm not the only one. Seems like some friends have been having bad days they can't really snap out of. It distresses me that I'll doze off only 10 minutes into a book, and I was having weekend thoughts even when it was only Monday. Blogging is really not top priority. I just wanna sleep.

Busy today but perked myself up wearing a new pair of earrings. Actually I have more clip-on earrings than I do those for pierced ears; 'cept I've not worn them in ages and they're the big chunky sort, like the equivalent of rugby player shoulder pads in women's clothes in the 80s. And damn painful too. I remember a clip-on pair which looks like a bunch of ripe golden grapes. What on earth was I thinking when I got them?!

On waiting to be touched by grace. A friend invited me to church on Sunday, at the end of which everyone bowed their heads and prayed, and a pastor proclaimed we were blessed. Today I was asked if I felt any sort of emotional tug then, and I had to say no. I didn't bow my head to pray, but took a quick look round the sea of bowed heads before I sat still and waited. I felt a bit sad and detached, cos it felt like everyone's tuned into a frequency I couldn't hear. Maybe later someone will relay to me second-hand what I've missed, but you know that's not how it's supposed to go. So I asked in return if my friend prayed for me, and the reply was an apologetic no. Well actually that made me glad, cos I thought I would feel more disappointed if I was prayed for and didn't feel it there and then like a pinprick in my heart.

If I've received a calling from God, I hope to feel more. Like how reading chain emails from my noisy girlfriends puts an indulgent smile on my face. Or how listening to a song I love can make me run that bit longer. Or what makes me stop reading a book halfway to bury my nose in its pages and breathe in deep. Or why I keep travelling again and again to all these places I've never been to before. Or how certain movies make me cry.

I guess it's not time yet.

Thank goodness for the madcap duo, ie. my US and UK travelmates. :) You gave me something to look forward to today while ploughing through work. I'm so happy I can meow.

On guerilla storytelling (or why some folks shouldn't be asked to tell stories).
- So what happened in the story?
- He didn't come back.
- That's it?! That's all you can say?
- Yup.

After seeing Yoyo's special issue of the British film magazine Sight & Sound (which lists the ten greatest films of all time), I hunted down a copy at Borders. I asked the shop assistant why Borders normally doesn't carry this magazine, and he replied that MITA is sensitive about media contents of films(!). But these are only film reviews for goodness sake. Urgh.

Flipped through it and found the most recent movie in the top ten directors' list is Raging Bull and that's released in 1980. Discussed about these boring but safe film choices over dessert with my best friend and M... can't believe the movies Godfather and Godfather Part II were treated as one movie. What a cop-out.

I shall count the minutes, someone joked today. Well I do. Count the minutes that is.

Ran on the treadmill today. I'm bad at warming up so I just walked 100m, ran 5km and walked 100m. The part I like is where for over 30 minutes, I run at constant speed and pretend to be a perpetual state machine. I'll time the distance ran while my Discman is plugged into an auto-repeat song, and today's song is equivalent to 0.86km.

There's a scene in Wong Kar Wai's movie Days of Being Wild where a guy asks a girl not to speak for a full minute. And we wait out this minute with them, cos he wants to remember it as the minute they spent together.

I guess I'm curious about the passage of time.

No doubt every story is magical and no amount of time can fully explain the glory in its details, but when summarised in a nutshell, it becomes run-of-the-mill. Though I don't mean to trivialise, sometimes brevity by necessity turns us into bad storytellers.

Watched many movies recently. Have no doubt I'll watch more than 100 when this year is through. Remembered lots of isolated scenes. Scene from the latest movie: Frustrated girl waiting long time outside closed shop. Finally departs but camera continues to focus on shop. For a minute, nothing within the picture moves. Then girl dashes back into frame and hurls stone through shop window. Silence.

Perfect.

My best friend expected me to rant about work but I summarized it in one line. I've learnt to play hardball.

Will not write about work. Will not think about work.

While glancing round the dark cinema, I spotted a dim flashing green light pinpointing someone's chest where his heart is, like gentle echoes from a pacemaker. Then I realised it's a mobile phone in his front shirt pocket, slowly signaling its existence.

bz.

Yesterday, Straits Times published about the SDU event at Library@Orchard (ie. match-making graduates by letting them interact and discuss the books they like). Quite a few friends told me I'm the first person they thought about when they knew about this event. Eh. Knowing how biased I am about reading, I will hardly be the diplomatic sort. But maybe I can do a sideline consulting guys trying to be SNAGs who read.

Until you can establish a basis for sincere interaction, it is always necessary to question the classification of what is actually taking place.
- Christopher Ross, Tunnel Visions

A great piece of advice to start my day rolling.

I've been reading Jason's blog for a while now and just found out he's reading Brett Easton Ellis' American Psycho. Have no idea why that made me smile but it did. Go read his blog. It's nice.

I'm told I have my mum's eyes.

There's this bit in Brett Easton Ellis' book The Informers where a character is sort of a cool weirdo hanging out with his like-minded friends. Well, not really, but to say too much will give the story away. Anyway, suffice it to say that these guys ask one another insider jokes on Ethiopians and laugh uproariously over stupid answers. And when this guy tries out the Ethiopian jokes on girls he's picked up, he's always disappointed by insipid replies like "What's an Ethiopian?". So one day he picks up this girl and they're cruising along in his car, and he asks her without much expectations, "How many Ethiopians can fit in a car?". And she replies nonchalantly, "All of them". Just like that. He's stunned and stops the car, repeats the question and makes her answer again. Just to make sure. And she says it again exactly like his friends. Though the situation deteriorates rapidly for them afterwards, this isn't the point I'm trying to make.

What I'm trying to say is, I understand what it's like to hold out for an Ethiopian joke moment.

"Until You Find Another Yellow Schwalbe" was artist Gabriel Orozco's 1995 project. During a long stay in Berlin, the artist drove through the city on a yellow Schwalbe scooter. Whenever he saw another "Yellow Schwalbe" beside the road, he stood his own alongside it and photographed the pair, so that stasis and dynamics enter into a site-specific dialogue.

Thoughts induced in me by this. Whether the other Schwalbe owners ever knew their scooters were photographed, and if their scooters were at locations they weren't meant to be then. Was this a sort of reunion for the scooters since they could be from the same assembly plant? How many scooters did he manage to photograph? And if this project took place here and the Schwalbe scooter was switched for a Mercedes car, how frighteningly many pairs of cars would turn up then?

Baking analogy at work today. I'm generous helping bakers who sincerely wish to learn but I dislike those who need to be spoonfed and worse, assume that it's their due. And I hate repeating the same thing twice. If you even need someone to turn on the oven switch for you, you shouldn't be baking.

It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.
- Gandhi

Regression. Was asked to fax something rather than email it, because the recipient doesn't really check her email. Can this be true? Well I don't really check faxes either so I guess we're even.

My bro and I share the same enthusiasm to eat lots of raw wasabi when eating Japanese food, but we didn't mimic that from each other. It was actually some time after that we realised we do this. It's the same way we like to chew on the ends of straws or such when we have drinks. Today bro nibbled on the end of his plastic stirrer unconsciously while he had coffee, and I got fascinated watching him. Can these traits really be genetic? We're not twins and my mum doesn't have these habits. So where did we learn to behave the way we do?

Had a family lunch outing today. Though there's only mum, bro, sis-in-law and me, having lunch outside home is usually what I term "challenging". Mum says she's flexible to eat anywhere we want, but the rest of us know she's way unexperimental and usually sticks to Chinese or Japanese food. And even for Chinese food, mum has different rankings for food of different dialect groups too. So when we pick a location, we'll confer in English (which mum can't understand) and debate on her reactions first. After a while, we end up eating at the tried and proven foodspots in order to be safe.

Mum belongs to the generation which believes in over-ordering food to show that we're not being stingy. Unfortunately sis-in-law is more health conscious and bro watches his diet. There's often a tug-of-war over how much and what to order. Most of the time bro, being the man of the house, is forced to finish the food. Oh well. I guess this happens to other folks too.

I know I'll make a horrific primary school teacher cos I'll refuse to let the students read thin picture books. I think it's a cop-out way to let children have books which can be finished within half an hour. Reading is not like watching a sitcom! Reading demands devotion!

Today I spent more than 11 hours in the company of my UK travel mate. We had breakfast together before hitting the booksale at the Singapore Expo, where I exhibited remarkable restrain by buying only 5 books. They're:

1. Paul Monette's Borrowed Time: An AIDS memoir
2. Bret Easton Ellis' Glamorama
The third Bret Easton Ellis book I own, and I'm still in the middle of reading his The Informers. Couldn't help buying this cos it's probably the thickest book he's written so far (value for money!).
3. Christopher Ross' Tunnel Visions
Musings of a man who decided to work in the London tube while rethinking his life.
4. Thomas J Stanley's The Millionaire Mind
Recommended by my best friend previously. For my bro, who's finished my copies of Rich Dad, Poor Dad and The Millionaire Next Door while I struggled on in vain.
5. Richard Meltzer's music musings called A Whore Just Like the Rest
Music journalism on mostly old school rock.

Note to best friend: please list your haul in your .plan! :)

I can imagine myself reading my old blog entries and upon reaching yesterday's entry, think to myself: Surely more must have happened that day besides the odd quote about rat piss?! Well, more did happen (besides work anyway). I played pool. Met hegemony and his honey (who gamely had her first attempt at pool, and confessed cutely that she thought I was a real baker). Discovered that an old friend had such good memory to actually memorise my home phone number despite not having called it since probably 1994. Not a bad way to start the weekend. :)

You could hear a rat piss on cotton.
- Charlie Parker

Though you'll probably never read this, sorry I've misjudged you. You did try and I was hasty.

The Wedding Date Predictor courtesy of da mouse.
Says I'll be married by Saturday, June 3, 2006. Geez. You heard it here first anyway. lol.

At work, I have a low tolerance of incompetence, carelessness and over-promise. Maybe I'm in the wrong line.

Try. Even if it's tiring.

On another artist Pierre Huyghe. He did a film called Dubbing described as following:
..we see a group of people who are clearly concentrating hard on the dialogue of a film that can be read in subtitles on the lower margin of the screen. We are watching the dubbing of a film, its content revealed only through the lines of text and the lines of the dubbing actors. Though we never actually see the film, we can follow its narrative structure, its gripping moments and quieter episodes.

Wish I could see it.

I fell asleep so instantaneously last night that when I woke this morning, I wasn't sure I slept. But when I checked, I figured more than 8 hours had elapsed. Last night felt like my life got cut and spliced together, with no memory inbetween. Yeah, it was an "could-aliens-have-abducted-me" sort of moment.

On the other hand, the slowing down of time. Artist Douglas Gordon slowed down Alfred Hitchcock's movie Psycho to screen it over 24 hours. Gordon employs memorable material, distracting the viewer with its slowness, deflecting one on to other thoughts - where and when did I see these pictures? Who with? I wondered about the slowed-down shower murder scene. I wondered if they played the movie at normal speed in another room, so visitors could wander over and know the whole story, then return to the slowed-down version, feeling a sense of deja vu. And I wondered why Psycho instead of so many other famous movies.

Tired. Insomnia last night. Still at work now but think I'll go home and hit the sack. Gandhi said, Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. I guess I'm flunking the happiness test then.

hegemony asked if I was unusually happy today. I replied no, why? And he replied that it's the first time I've icq msg'd him in months. Shucks. I need to remember that being busy is no excuse.

Thanks for the sky. It did help.

In my mind I've dubbed the 2nd track from Flaming Lips' latest album as Sympathy for the Robot, rather than the intended title One More Robot/ Sympathy 3000-21. Something like Rolling Stones' Sympathy for the Devil. Auto-repeat track currently.. this album may probably be my favourite this year.

I'm now reading up on lesser known modern artists (hence the artist quotes), and an interesting one is Maurizio Cattelan. He got a police draughtsman to draw portraits of his friends and relatives based on descriptions; and the resulting works resembled mug shots of criminals. Is this like having your dark side revealed by a stranger? What will mine look like?

..you believe simply to experience belief. That belief is part of what it is to be human.
- Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips

Life presents itself to me in those kinds of terms: staring at women, staring at the sky, staring at somebody.
- John Currin, artist

I am interested in the differences between what I expect and what actually happens.
- Vanessa Beecroft, artist

Well, I'm not so much interested as I'm vexed.

I'm easily charmed by words and witty exchanges though I know it's superficial.
Until last night, I didn't know what "perjury" meant.
Yesterday I had my hair trimmed (not by my regular stylist but by one of his colleagues), while sitting next to a girl who had her long rebonded hair permed into big romantic waves. The hair stylist caught my glance and told me in no uncertain terms that my sort of hair texture shouldn't be permed. And after waiting nearly an hour for someone to attend to me, my hair didn't look much different from when I first stepped in.
Went for my third Fassbinder movie and didn't appreciate it despite it being a classic. It wasn't like Fellini, which I loved at first sight. Yet I kept going back to another Fassbinder screening, as if I couldn't really believe I didn't like his work.
Tried durian dumplings. What will they think of next? Durian toothpaste will defeat the purpose won't it?
And when you said Don't be sorry, you didn't mean it as advice but I took it as such.

You didn't understand why I can backpack alone but don't have the courage to drive anymore. You couldn't believe that all those drivers round us are doing anything brave.

I'm better now, thanks. Regret being overwhelmed by anger but am glad I didn't blow my top at anyone. Did my bit and it's just work, and not the worst kinda job either. Had a great evening with friends last night and a nice jog this morning. Home laptop is screwing up, not able to shut down correctly and stuff but I'll take my chances. I need to stop worrying so much.

I'm so angry right now my eyes are tinged red. I'm so angry I phoned my best friend and vented it out while walking round and round this breadshop where I need to buy my rushed lunch so I can return to work fast (and it's not even Breadtalk). I'm so angry I'm surprised at myself. I'm so angry about work and bullshit. I'm so angry I don't trust myself to talk to anyone I can lash out at.

Fuck this.

Couldn't really sleep last night and don't recall drinking anything caffeinated. Not too busy but not that inclined to blog. Realised that I've only worn black and grey to work everyday this week, and the scary bit is I could probably carry on with only these colours for another 2 weeks without recycling clothes. Realised I don't know Tillman Uhrmacher, supposedly one of the masters of German dance. Now playing the Flaming Lips' In the Morning of the Magicians on auto-repeat because on it, there's quirky drum-rolls, appreciative laughter and slow claps. Thank goodness it's going to be a long weekend.

M's birthday today. :) Have fun gal!

If you knew you would be embarking on something foolish, how could you carry on so willingly?
Cos it makes me smile.

Don'ts
generally, speaking don't own stocks
don't own any but the most pristine bonds
generally speaking, don't invest in real estate
generally speaking, don't buy commodities
don't invest in collectibles
don't trust standard rating services
don't presume that the government agencies will protect your finances
don't buy goods you don't need just because they are a bargain. They will probably get cheaper
- stock advice this morning gleaned from a book my bro is reading

Colleagues are getting suspicious, what with me typing frentically and grinning at my screen. Only so much enthusiasm can be credited to listening to the remix of Dinah Washington's Is You Is, or Is You Ain't My Baby. Tomorrow this must wear off!

Today has been hopeless at work. Too addicted to my new messenging tool and I've just got 10 people on my list. Urgh. Need to concentrate!

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
- Garrison Keillor

I just hooked my UK travelmate on Yahoo! messenger!

I've only just discovered Yahoo! messenger today despite supposedly being a techie. :) Well, last time I introduced 3TapRiff to irc and more than 10 years later he's paid back by introducing me to Yahoo! messenger. But it's addictive isn't it? lol.

I come to bury IAmCarbonatedMilk.com, not to praise it.

Do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize
we're floating in space
Do you realize
that happiness makes you cry
Do you realize
that everyone you know someday will die

and instead of saying all of your good-byes
let them know you realize that life goes fast
it's hard to make the good things last
you realize the sun doesn't go down
it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning around

Do you realize
that everyone you know someday will die
Do you realize
that you have the most beautiful face
Do you realize?
- Flaming Lips, Do You Realize?

My girlfriends and I are to an extent, creatures of habit. My UK, US travelmates and I have our monthly gathering at NYDC to eat dessert and read women's magazines, as well as as our annual pilgrimage to KL. My jc girlfriend and I eat sushi most of the time we meet, and I often order the same food and drinks at the usual dining spots. Routine does comfort me more than spontaniety nowadays.

I fell asleep again in the afternoon and when I woke, everything swam into focus with startling clarity. I was bewildered for a moment before I realised I was wearing my contact lens. It's been a long time since I've got perfect vision and was able to wake up this way. It disorientated me, like I were looking through someone else's eyes.

Things which make me nervous. When someone who barely knew me offered to pray for me. Being scrutinized to gauge my reactions by a third party while I was listening to someone else speak.

Slept more than 10 hours last night. Dreamt that my colleagues and I were in a war bunker, trying to survive while preparing for war. A colleague told me that there's a collection going round... a $12 fee for people who want to learn to play the piano. That's all I could remember, imminent danger and the possibility of music.

I'm not the sort to read short stories, but ever since I've read Robert Olen Butler's short stories collection Tabloid Dreams, I went on to another short stories collection of his called A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain. He wrote convincingly from the point of view of Vietnamese Americans as if he were one himself. Like Kazuo Ishiguro wrote as if he were an English butler in Remains of the Day. Maybe readers read books and writers read people.

b12, my best friend and I were discussing about Mouse on Mars last night. As ttj recently lent me 2 albums by this band, I let them sample one which I thought was in my Discman. To my surprise, b12 didn't think it's uneasy listening and liked it so much he wanted to borrow it as well. My best friend thought it's better than another Mouse on Mars album which he owns. I didn't think anything was wrong until I popped out of bed this morning (after 5 hours of sleep) and decided to listen to my Discman. Then I burst out laughing cos I realised I've made a mistake. It was actually DJ Oakenfold's friendly trance album Bunkka which I had in my Discman.

Sleeping hours all warped again.

Spent the last 3 nights drinking beer consecutively in different locations with different folks. Tonight, b12, my best friend and I wanted to check out Liquid Room, a club described by b12 as "more Zouk than Zouk" (where Zouk is the most established dance club here). Well, we never made it in. We were stuck in the queue for about 40 minutes, watching hordes of ang mohs and supposedly beautiful people waltz in without queuing. A check with Jedixus informed us that he had on one occasion, spent 2 hours in that queue before. The guys found it ridiculous that we were letting ourselves get snubbed this way, and stuff like this didn't even happen at Zouk. And they were right that we wouldn't have liked the other people even if we got in, and there was no point in waiting though we were at the front of the queue. I was morbidly curious about going in cos I don't think I'd ever queue again, but in the end we left and went to the nearby Milk Bar which Jedixus recommended. Wonderful music, great service, no need to queue, fun conversation. Bliss.

Oh yah, b12 compared knowing when to leave the queue to knowing when to sell your shares. Sometimes you just hang on rather than cut your losses, but you lose out more in the long run. lol.

Yes, it's past my bedtime on a working night again. Aren't Fridays great though? :)

Mouse on Mars' music is hard to classify, makes uneasy listening, and is hard to fall in love with.

Was hardly in the office yesterday cos I was running between customer sites attending meetings. The quietest moment I had the whole day was 30 minutes I spent in a cab travelling to a customer in an isolated location. It was such a luxury I leaned back, closed my eyes, yawned intermittently, and felt so exhausted my eyes just teared. I wished the cab wouldn't stop but travel round and round the island, and I could just vege out in the backseat forever.

On last encounters. Treat every encounter with everyone you meet as your last encounter with them, then maybe you won't feel so bad if you never meet them again.