Today someone asked me casually if I was happy at work. To be frank, I'm too busy to feel anything but little pockets of happiness, and even then I suspect it's cos I'm easily contented and amused. I mean, if I wake up and my curls stay in place, I'm tickled. If I've got an opportunity to run, I've lucked out. And if I learn something new, I'm amazed (even if it's worthless information like where the nearest HSBC ATM outlet is in Raffles City area, and especially when I don't have a bank account there). It doesn't take much to make me smile, and it sure as hell isn't money.

Sometimes, I don't even understand how I progressed in my career since I'm essentially not career-minded at all. I'm just people-centric. I care about my team and I'm responsible about my work. And so now I'm buried in it. A long time ago, I broke up with an ex partly cos of my work and what it has made of me. Now, I'm still in the same boat (actually a much bigger boat) minus the upset ex.

I just wish I can get rid of the unexpected moments, where in the midst of a pause, my heart becomes an anxious clenched fist. Where I look at people during meetings and will myself not to walk past them, out the door and hurl myself down the corridor. These moments.. they are gathering momentum.