Today is really not a day to be flippant, yet work was no different at my customer's, with nary a mention of the war against Iraq. How did we get so blase? Can't seem to concentrate so I put a song on auto-repeat and listened to it almost continuously for 14 hours. Told a co-worker I wouldn't be in tomorrow, and he asked me what do I do when I'm not working for them.

What do I do when I'm not working? I don't sleep enough, don't read enough, don't write enough, don't run enough. I don't reflect enough on the world. I don't spend enough time with people who care about me. I watch way too many movies and have lost my appetite. I wonder why I'm not a bohemian free spirit, and why it's so hard for me to fall in love. I scribble notes, none of which I'll blog. My mind drifts.

I don't understand myself enough. I could have the audacity to cheekily lie that I was attached but had broken up with a buddy to a mutual friend, while he looked on horrified that I've "tarnished" his reputation. But I'm not brave enough to call you first. It used to be that I couldn't let go, but now I let go too easily.

And I worry. About the way the world is going. About people who matter. About work.

Today is really not a day to be flippant.