Quotes so bizarre their authenticity seems doubtful... even if they appeared in Computerworld. And it's not an April Fool's issue either.

Yes, I wanted to take over the world, and I can't believe that we ever got away with those OEM contracts. Oh, and I always thought that Oracle was better than SQLServer. And I wish I'd written Linux.
- Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft Corporation

It was true, Oracle's software was a buggy, overpriced con and MySQL was actually much better.
- Larry Ellison, Chairman and CEO of Oracle

I didn't really give a rat's ass about the Compaq deal, I just had time on my hands.
- Walter Hewlett, member of Board of Directors, Hewlett Packard